


PHASE TWO | MAKE AMENDS

by lokisbicth



Series: MIGRAINE | MCU OC FANFICTION [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Christmas Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, New Year's Eve, Original Character(s), Past Lives, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2019-08-28 02:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16715037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokisbicth/pseuds/lokisbicth
Summary: After a few months without any contact with the team, she returns.Completely different. Better than she has ever been.Ghosts from her past might surface and past mistakes might get to her, but what will she do now that she has everything she wished for?And what will happen when he finally realizes what he lost?





	1. 0.5 | T.A.H.I.T.I.

**Author's Note:**

> hello there. well, this is the first chapter of the second book from this series. things get quite interesting from here. so i hope you enjoy!

**_T.A.H.I.T.I._ **

**Terrestrialized Alien Host Integrative Tissue I**   

_Classified Security Level 9_

_FILED: AGENT Kent_

_Guest House;  May 9th 2012_

Project had been renewed by the direct order from Director Fury. The subject [Coulson, Phil] had been exposed to [GH.325] that had previously been tested on other subjects, prior to the project's discontinuation.

  The subject had awoken, subduing extreme discomfort due to the effects of the tissue extorted from G.H. The subject was requesting for the operation to be terminated before it was completely carried out. The request had been refused by Director Fury, as he felt it was necessary to complete the project in favor of the future SHIELD operations.

  I had personally assisted Director Fury, monitoring the personnel and the equipment's efficiency. By my professional account, there were no minor or major complications and the project had been performed without any obstacles.

  We will continue to monitor the subject, as we are not strictly aware of how he will be behaving in the future. All threats will be located immediately and obstructed with highest efficiency. 

 

       LOG: SHIELD

       NUM: 91220GH

       LED: V.K.

* * *

_**T.A.H.I.T.I.** _

**Terrestrialized Alien Host Integrative Tissue I**  

   _Classified Security Level 9_

_FILED: DIRECTOR Fury_

_Guest House; May 22nd 2012_

  Due to complications and lack of the efficiency concerning this project, I have made a professional decision to reverse Agent Kent's clearance and remove her from the project. The agent had proved that she had enough qualifications to be a part of this operation, yet I feel it is best to disclude her from further work.

  It was proven to me that, by making this decision, majority of our issues had been solved and project's effectiveness had been enhanced. The rest of the personnel remains the same as there aren't no necessary changes in other departments of the project.

 

  LOG: TAHITI

  NUM: 221220GH

  LED: N.F.


	2. 1 | LONG TIME NO SEE

  "Sir, you have a visitor." JARVIS spoke suddenly, making the genius jolt away from his newest piece of tech. That's how it began. Or rather  _continued_.

  Tony hadn't heard from her in months, the woman had barely talked to him even before that. After they've managed to destroy Manhattan with the excuse of  _saving the world_ , Valerie drifted away. They've barely talked two times over the phone and once face to face. From then on, Stark had called her, only to either hear voice-mail or continuous drumming sound of the empty cellphone line.

  The first two months he spent in a daze, not really knowing if she was ever coming back or not. Pepper helped him for the most part, but he didn't want to drag the woman of his dreams down the sinkhole of PTSD and anxiety together with him. Even though, he couldn't help but think about how much easier it would be if Valerie was there. She would know what to say and when to say it. She was  _so much better_  than him. 

  That led him to understand that he didn't treat her like he should've been. He was always so toxic and somehow managed to make her care about him, even though he acted as if he didn't care about her at all. Though, he did. More so than he thought. That was what actually made the problem even bigger than it should've been. That realization just dawned onto him at once, completely and utterly  _terrifying_  him.

  Whenever he found himself thinking of her he had to do something about it. Usually he would just go down to the lab, making plans for the new mark of the suit, or drinking a few glasses of alcohol and falling asleep on the couch in the living room. The time didn't exactly treat him well, he became obsessed, even psychotic, when it came to the suits.

  That was the only thing that seemed to distract him, but when he woke up from that trance in which he produced his inventions, he would only worry some more. Then, he would have to hide the state he was in from Pepper, which felt more like straight up lying to her face, but he dealt with it one way or the other.

  Though-  _now_ \- everything kind of  _shifted_. His heart started beating faster and he could feel his palms get sweaty. Her return was unexpected, but perhaps that was for the best. He watched her get out of the car that stopped in front of his house through the security monitor that was promptly hovering above the workstation.

  With every moment that she edged closer to the front door, he felt more and more pressure on his chest. "Sir, shall I open?" The AI asked, shaking Tony away from his state of shock. The billionaire nodded, dropping all the equipment and commanding for JARVIS to dim the lights as he made his way out of the workshop.

  His legs almost gave out under him as he climbed the stairs, trying his damn best to keep calm. He wasn't even sure if she was there to renew their friendship or she was just there to rub all of his mistakes in his face. That's what terrified him at the moment because there was no argument, no last words and no goodbyes. He had no idea how she felt about him because everything between them just stopped abruptly.

  Tony quickened his pace, almost leaping up the top few steps, as he heard the clicking of her steady footsteps against the floor. He was right in front of her in no time, witnessing the sparkling smile that she wore on her face. She looked hands down stunning, walking casually and with her head high. There was so much confidence radiating from her that it took Tony a moment to remember how to breathe. That's about all that he could do, actually.

  She looked so different now, her whole physique has changed over the course of past four months. First of all, her hair was longer, flowing around her shoulders as she walked towards him. His gaze flickered down for just a second, following the outline of her torso and hips, all the way down to her legs. Her body looked fantastic and he wanted to slap himself for even thinking like that. They were friends and he was absolutely allowed to give her compliments, but he knew that this wasn't that type of thing. It was- inappropriate. 

  She was wearing tight, elegant black pants, that just about perfectly displayed the curve of her hips, along with a white blouse that was neatly tucked into them. She didn't look too skinny before, but it was obvious that the constant anxiety visibly affected her. Though now she looked healthy. More than that, she looked good. And that's where Tony had to stop himself before he thought about something he shouldn't think about.

  "Hey." She positively beamed as she said that, stopping right in front of him. He looked at her bluntly, her vibrant smile fading after a moment as she realized that he was so shocked, he couldn't breathe. "Tony?"

  "Yeah, hey." He jerked out of his trance, smiling back at her as he smiled nervously. "Long time no see, huh?" The genius huffed, glancing away as he felt uncomfortable looking at her for too long. 

  Valerie chuckled sweetly, sighing afterwards. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going away." She said with an apologetic look on her face, making Tony curious. He wanted to ask her where she went that was obviously so important, but held back for just now. He had to take it one step at the time or it would turn out badly, just like it was before she left.

  "Uh, wanna come in? I was just going to make coffee..." He said and she nodded lightly, making his heart skip a beat after he realized that they would actually have to talk and then there would be the 'well, how have you been' type of question which he just couldn't answer. On the other hand, Valerie could just very well read his mind and find out on her own.

  The billionaire stretched his arm out towards the way for kitchen, letting her pass so he could have a moment longer to look shocked without her noticing. He just couldn't believe what he was seeing- and the fact that she looked better and obviously felt better about herself just because she was away from him.

  As soon as Tony poured them both a cup of coffee, Valerie got right into apologizing that she didn't call or text him. "I was just in a downfall, you know. I mean- all alien invasion kind of thing wasn't something I was prepared for. But seriously, who was?" She rolled her eyes. "I was so stupid, but I just needed time, that's all."

  "Yeah." Tony looked at her absently, considering that she actually hated him after he acted like a jerk back when he found out she knew about Loki. Sure- he had the right to be angry, but not embarrass her in front of her new teammates. Everything he did was narcissistic, but he couldn't change that. Only hope that she will forgive him. "Have you been hanging around New York or..." He asked her, taking a sip of his semi-warm coffee.

  "No, I-" She sighed, shaking her head. "I went to Europe for a little while. Been to Germany and France. I actually wanted to go to Italy, but then I realized that it was a jerk move to go away without telling you and that I should probably come back. So I did." The woman gave him a warm smile, somewhat guilt-ridden, but Tony didn't think of it as a  _jerk move_.  _You weren't the jerk, I was_ , he thought.

  "Hope you had a good time." He offered her a small, tight lipped smile, looking away from her face as soon as she chuckled. "Everything around here has been the same. I mean, the team had moved into the Avengers Tower. You know, the Stark Tower with a big A instead of my name."

  "Oh, I know. I've talked to Steve a few times, actually. He said that you made them all move in even though they were all going to refuse." She said and Tony tried his best not to choke onto the air he was breathing in. She talked to Steve, but she couldn't talk to him. Was he even allowed to be offended? Because it was no secret that he was the one who drew Valerie away, that was the only thing he was one hundred percent sure of.

  "You and Steve, huh?" He asked with a sly smile instead, a soft blush showing up on Valerie's cheeks as she chuckled. "Come on. You like the captain, don't you?" The brunette joked, but he actually genuinely wanted to know. Because this wasn't just something to trip over and leave behind.

  Valerie rolled her eyes. "Who doesn't? I mean, the guy is polite to everyone, not just me." She replied, making Tony narrow his eyes at her. "What? Just because I think he's polite doesn't mean I liked him like  _that_."

  "Oh, you do." He laughed as Valerie frowned and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You're blushing so badly right now,  _oh boy_ , I wish you could see yourself." He told her and she slapped his arm, trying to stop him in some way.

  "Shut up, Stark. It's not like I have some high-school crush on Steve, okay? He's nice- I mean-  _You know_."

   "I do, alright." He smiled. "I wouldn't be surprised if you had posters of him hung on the walls of your room or something."

   "Jesus fucking Christ, I'm not obsessed." She groaned, rolling her eyes as he just laughed once again. But even though he could tell that she was really annoyed with him teasing her, the corners of her mouth twitched upwards and soon she was laughing too.

   "Sorry, I'm just happy for you. You look so-"

   "Not like a mess?" She huffed, still smiling. "I went to therapy. It actually got really bad two weeks after the New York thing. I had to do something about it." She sighed, looking down at her hands that fell into her lap just a second ago.

   "But you said you were in Europe?" Stark frowned, leaning back in his chair. She glanced at him, but looked away again letting out a frustrated huff.

   "Yeah, but only for the past month. Before that I went to Washington to see a specialist." She shrugged. "It was a long process, but I'm better now. Much better."

   "You know, you didn't have to go through it alone." He told her, shrugging at the same time, saying it matter-of-factly. She nodded, still not looking at him. He sensed that she didn't want to talk about it, so he just cleared his throat and moved on. "So, what do you plan to do now?" He asked, casting her a curious glare.

  "I don't know, to be fair. I left so abruptly- which I'm sorry for, really- so I have no idea where I stand. I gave my resignation to Fury a week after the incidents with Loki, so I don't really have a job. I have to move to a cheaper apartment, God knows where because I can't afford the one next to Central Park anymore. It sucks, but I guess I'll deal with it somehow. Probably have to go back to being a fucking waitress or something." She rolled her eyes, as if to exaggerate how dumb she felt she was. But Tony just huffed and thought for a second.

  "You could move into the Avengers Tower." He said nonchalantly. Though, her eyes widened and she looked a little intimidated by the thought. "I'm sure the team won't mind."

  "No, I couldn't do that. I basically have no money, I couldn't pay rent." The woman told him, making him scoff at her almost instantly.

  "It's literally my building, Valerie, do you think I would let you pay rent? I mean, we're friends." He told her and hesitated for a moment before he added, "Aren't we?"

  "Yes, Tony, we are friends. Why do you even have to ask?" She chuckled, shaking her head lightly. "But I don't know, I just don't know how much will the team like me. I mean, I pretty much bailed three seconds into the Avengers thing."

  "Oh God, just shut up. Do you even hear yourself? Everybody already likes you. Natasha has been asking me if I heard anything from you and then we had to explain to Barton who you actually are. You should've seen the look on his face when Nat told him she-" Tony snickered and Valerie knew exactly what he was thinking of.

   "Do you just go around telling people that I slept with her? Real nice, Stark." She rolled her eyes, but couldn't sustain the smile. At this point she did't have anything to be embarrassed of, it was just something that happened and nobody judged her about.

   "Anyway, are you moving in or not? As you know, we have plenty of space." Tony offered, once again. His friend shrugged and he was about to start strategically talking her into doing it, but he didn't have to.

   "Oh, what the hell. I guess it won't be that bad." She shrugged and then looked behind Tony onto the clock that hung on the kitchen wall. "Shoot, I gotta go. I have some stuff to finish." She stood up and he copied her moves. "I'll call you tomorrow about my stuff, okay?"

   "Sure thing." He said and started going after her as she went out of the kitchen.

   The billionaire followed her all the way out of the house, watching her get into the taxi that was waiting for her, waving her a goodbye and waiting for the vehicle to drive off, after what he went in and let out a deep breath. "JARVIS, send Happy a message. Tell him to prepare the empty room we have on the twenty seventh floor."

   "Right away, Sir." JARVIS answered immediately, obeying his inventor.

   Tony mumbled a small 'thanks', before heading back to the kitchen and pouring himself a drink in desperate attempt to wash down all the thoughts that swarmed into his head. He really wasn't going to get out of this easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this chapter is kinda messed up idk... the next chapter will be back in valerie's perspective and i really hope i can write this book better than the first one bc i'm that lame. anyway, see u soon.


	3. 2 | A BRAND NEW HOME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew, three chapters in three days, that's an awful lot for me. this one's not the best, but bare with me- i'm trying. so valerie moved in and tony is obviously not happy, it's getting interesting.
> 
> again- this is set two months before the iron man 3 plot, i am aware that the avengers didn't move in the avengers tower right away, but- you know how it is, i gotta get imaginative for this part, because god knows it get's a little bit dry with the canon plot.
> 
> another thing is that there seems to be some kind of a glitch?? so the note that was supposed to be at the end of the first chapter is now at the end of every chapter and honestly i have no idea what the fuck is going on, so just ignore it.
> 
> anyway thanks for reading and if you see something off or you see something that i can improve you're more than welcome to tell me (except if you're here only to point out what a terrible writer i am, just don't we all know that) and that's it.

  So she moved in. In the span of next two days, Valerie had already stacked up all of her belongings into bags and boxes, leaving the furniture for Tony to manage. She still hadn't met with the team, considering all of them had ' _really busy schedules_ ' according to Stark. Once all of her stuff got transferred to the Avengers Tower, she was ready to officially start living in it with the rest of the team. 

  "Don't worry too much, okay? It's going to be fine. They're all-  _nice_  people." Tony told her as they entered the building, and it was the way he said it that really set her off. The whole situation was as if she was meeting them all over again, except- she wasn't, which was more confusing than it should've been. 

   None of them were actually her friends, only Natasha.  _Maybe_. Bruce, Thor and Barton were all strangers to her, even though Thor was who knows where at that time. And then there was  _Steve_. She didn't like the fact that she actually sympathized with the man, let alone considered that she wouldn't mind if they were more than friends. It was unusual to think about it, when the only people she have ever had a relationship with were women. Plus the whole ordeal with Tony. She was still attracted to men, of course, had been all her life, but she just hadn't had a chance to be in a relationship with one. 

  "Right. I'll try. But if I freak out, don't be mad." She joked, trying to hide her actual nervousness. This wasn't the anxiety that she used to have, not that intense. For that she had to thank Dr. Schwan, because she was more than helpful in that field. And  _other_  fields.

  Tony just gave her a somewhat strained smile, walking her up to the elevator and letting her go in first as the door slid open. She watched him press the button that said 27 and waited for the door to close before she glanced at his profile, quickly looking ahead of her before he could catch her.

  The two of them jumped right back into being friends, without many questions or any explanations. That's exactly what made her think that thee was something wrong. Though, how could anything work out smoothly when it came to her and Tony? Valerie wouldn't know. 

  "So, how's it going with Pepper?" She asked him, refusing to actually turn her head and look him in the eyes. It seemed that he couldn't bring himself to look at her either, which she was thankful for.

  "Well- You know. She's the boss now." Tony shrugged, staring at the number that indicated which floor they were currently on as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "We're good- I mean, she helped me a lot after the thing with the cube and everything- it was just-  _crazy_." He let out a frustrated huff, closing his eyes for a second as he calmed down. "It wasn't the same without you around, you know." He mumbled and Valerie's heart clenched at the way he said it.

  She opened her mouth to say something, but the lift stopped and the doors whooshed open. Tony almost  _ran_  out before she could say anything, trying to avoid the sappy talk that was inevitably following. Valerie followed him silently, walking behind him through the empty hallway as she heard the tingling of keys that he took out of his pocket. He stopped in front of the single door in that hallway

  "This is it." He smiled at her, pushing the door open and allowing her to enter first. "What d'ya think?" He asked, slipping in after her and shutting the wooden door behind him. She looked around her room in awe- well it was more of a whole  _apartment_.

  "It's-" She inhaled, at a loss of words. "Wow." The woman smiled, looking over the large room. It had two levels. The bottom one consisted of a small, open kitchen and a lounge with a brand new, large plasma TV and a big C shaped sofa. There was also three large panels of windows along the wall in front of her that gave her a perfect view over New York. The top level had a working section, with a working desk and two bookcases, and a part where were the bed and clothing closets. The top level was open and Valerie could see everything from where she stood. "Tony, this is-"

  "Amazing? Magnificent?" He finished smugly. "I know, I've picked out the biggest room just for you." He looked around the apartment proudly as Valerie turned around and jumped onto him. She was over excited, hugging him so tightly that he couldn't breathe.

  "Thank you so much, Tony." She mumbled into his shoulder, refusing to let go. The billionaire laughed, hugging her back and breathing in the faint vanilla scent that she always had. "I mean- I can really pay the rent. I'll figure something out, you don't have to just-"

  "God, can't you just take a gift without arguing." Tony rolled his eyes as she pulled back from his embrace.

  "Yeah, right. You gave me a whole apartment, what am I supposed to do?" She huffed, crossing her arms, but the smile on her lips remained intact.

   Tony shrugged, looking away from her. "I'm rich, you're my friend... That's how it works,  _you know_." He told her and then looked straight into her vibrant blue eyes. "Besides, this is about the only thing I can do to thank you for all the times you were there for me."

  "Before I left you." She sighed, her smile falling, and turned around, going to lay on the large couch that was only a few steps away from them. She laid down, looking up at the ceiling as she felt Tony come over and sit next to her head, looking down at her. 

  "Don't beat yourself up about it. It doesn't matter. You're here now, we're going to have great time together." He told her and she looked at him with genuine worry in her eyes, seeing the slight insecurity in his features. "You needed time and you did what's best for you, I understand."

  "Tony-" She sat up, looking at him intently. "I was an asshole, okay? I shouldn't have left you like that- not after what we went through. I can't imagine what's it been like for you after Loki attacked and after you found out that I've been pretty much lying to you over and over again." 

  Tony looked at her with a gaze that she couldn't quite figure out. "No, you  _had_  to leave. I was the asshole, Valerie. All the times I've been a jerk to you for no apparent reason? Not cool. You're too good of a friend for me, I- I know that now." He sighed, shaking his head slightly. "Just- let me try to make it up to you, alright?"

  "But Tony-"

  "No, don't say anything else. We're going to be late for lunch with the team." He shushed her, standing up and walking over to the door that they came through less than ten minutes ago. Valerie sighed, trying to figure out what the hell was he fighting so much. No doubt, she saw that he was regretting the way he treated her, and she couldn't deny that his behavior partly made her want to leave.

  But that wasn't why she left. She was forced to leave.

  After the whole project TAHITI debacle, she had to distance herself from SHIELD and anyone who had to do anything with it. When Fury kicked her off the project she was livid, but after a few days she felt she just had to disappear for a decent amount of time. It was, perhaps, unfair towards her friends, well _friend_ , but she didn't have any choice. The way she began to act after TAHITI was odd even to herself and she couldn't risk her psyche changing even more, so she went to the only psychologist she trusted and got diagnosed. 

  "Earth to Valerie?" Tony said from besides the main door, shaking her away from the daze. "Jeez, thought I lost you for a second there." He chuckled, opening the door as she shook her head and stood up. "Let's go we're late." 

  The two of them made their way back to the elevator and waited, in dead silence, for it to arrive. Valerie was only hoping that the rest of the team won't take it personally that she left. Though, what if Natasha and Clint knew about TAHITI? After all, they still worked for SHIELD.

  The elevator dinged, the doors sliding open. They went in without a word and stayed like that for the whole ride down. It wasn't long- only four floors, but long enough for Valerie to sense the uneasy feeling that Tony was exhibiting. It wasn't that she didn't understand, she very well did, but it was that he didn't want to say anything about it.  _Acknowledge it_. He only stared ahead or at the number that decreased as they reached the right floor. That made her even more confused. She was on the edge of reading his mind, but she couldn't. She simply wasn't allowed.

  But Tony didn't want to talk about it simply because he didn't know how. He didn't want to say anything in case that it will, somehow, drive her away and that's the last thing he wanted to do. He needed her, as much as he hated to admit it. The past few months had both mentally and physically hurt him, all because she wasn't there. He even went as far as to cry himself to sleep at the thought of how he was the reason that she left. What hurt him the most, though, is that it just stopped. She didn't explain anything. She just disappeared.

  As soon as the elevator stopped and they were outside once again, both of them forced themselves to stop thinking about it. Tony gave her a short, uncertain smile and she returned it, swiftly walking besides him as they headed for the dining room. There was the rest of the team, all smiling and cheery as the two walked in, greeting them with flashy smiles and bright faces.

  "Hi everybody." Valerie chuckled, sinking into Natasha's embrace as the redhead walked up to her. Her former colleague pulled back shortly after, smiling at Valerie in awe as she gave her a quick once-over look. 

  "Damn, you look great, Val." Natasha said excitedly. "Where have you been? I mean, not even Tony could dig you up." She chuckled and Valerie laughed with her, trying her best to ignore the unnerving look that Tony had on his face. Truth be told, he wasn't looking.

  "Just here and there, really. Took a small trip over to Europe for a while. That's about it." Valerie tried to sound as casual as possible. The way that everybody was acting didn't seem normal, considering she just packed up and ran. God knows what Tony told them.

  "Well, time has certainly treated you well." Bruce smiled at her.

  "It's nice to see you again, Dr. Banner." She nodded at the man and he shook his head lightly.

  "Just call me Bruce. I think we're alright on the first name basis after we fought an alien army together." The physicist said and she chuckled, agreeing with him.

  "Yeah, I guess so." The woman looked over to Clint who was putting the meals on the table, noticing that she had arrived only then. "Agent Barton." Valerie nodded at him with a smile, which the man returned.

  "Agent Kent." He saluted at her, walking over to shake her hand.

  "Actually just Valerie from now on. I quit being an agent. It was simply not for me, you know" She said, shaking his hand and shrugging as he gave her an understanding look. She couldn't bare with the fact that nobody asked questions because they all silently agreed that it wasn't necessary to bring up old demons. She didn't mind, she just didn't know how they got through it without actually talking about it. Even though- how would she know?

  "You're lucky. Fury can be a real pain in the ass sometimes." Barton rolled his eyes. "But you didn't hear it from me." He added to what Valerie and Natasha laughed, while Bruce just smiled awkwardly and Tony was deciding if he should just disappear and save himself the despair of looking at Valerie with Steve.

  "Well, where's the captain?" Valerie looked around, her gaze settling on Tony.

   "Oh, Capsicle is down in the gym, he's gonna be up soon." Tony shrugged, walking over to the table and patting her shoulder as he passed her. "But wouldn't you want to know?" He teased, making her roll her eyes.

   "Can you shut up, please." She told him through gritted teeth as Natasha smirked at her. "You shut up too." Valerie pointed to her and the redheaded spy raised her hands in surrender.

  "Oh, so you have the hots for Rogers? That doesn't surprise me though. You've got that 'fall for the good boys' vibe." Clint joked, narrowing his eyes at her and she shook her head.

  "Please, Barton, you don't know me in the slightest, okay?" She laughed and the archer tilted his head as he raised his eyebrows, giving her a calculating look.

  "I don't know, Val, seems like he pretty much got it." Tony barked out a laugh as he sat down, trying to seem genuine enough.

  Valerie smirked at him, a challenging sparkle in her eyes. "You know that's not true, Stark." And his smile faded as he was forced to look away from her, swallowing the knot that formed in his throat. He wasn't sure what the hell she meant by that, but she certainly got the reaction she wanted, both from him and from the rest of the team.

  "Well, seems like I'm late for the party." Tony's head snapped back towards the place where Valerie stood, seeing Steve come right behind her and offer her a shy, but warm smile as he reached out to give her a white rose, making Tony roll his eyes.

  Natasha noticed the way he looked, shooting him a stern look that said ' _cut it_ '. He just gave her a blank stare in return as his hearing filled with Valerie's sweet laughter, making him look back only to catch a sight of her hugging Steve as she stood on her tip-toes to properly reach him. 

  He was going to have to go a long way to tolerate the amount of cheesy they projected, but it was what he had to do and what he was willing to do to keep Valerie as a friend.


	4. 3 | TWO IN THE MORNING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah this is short but omg i love it uwu, also i fixed the problem with the note n everything so yea thanks for reading and enjoy i guess

  Valerie laid silently in her brand new, king sized bed that had far more space than she actually needed. She didn't mind, though, not at all. The only problem was that she was thinking about who could be the one to fill all that empty space. She knew very well who, but she still couldn't admit it to herself. It was dangerous how much she liked Steve by now and it's only been a week or so after she moved in.

  Besides that, everything passed over smoothly. She got along pretty well with the team, even going to gym with Clint and Natasha a few times and hanging out with Bruce in the lab, occasionally chatting about what she once knew better than anything- neuropsychology. It was fascinating how much Bruce actually knew on the topic, but she knew better than to question the scientist's abilities.

  On the other side, she hadn't seen much of Tony in the past couple of days. The billionaire came to stay there, in his penthouse, a couple of days ago when the team gathered for a dinner. Though, he was either in his workshop or out ' _doing something_ '. She wasn't surprised, though, perhaps he felt guilty of the way that he acted towards her so he wanted to distance himself to not do it again. Truth be told, she didn't even leave because of him, but how could he know that? He couldn't. And he shouldn't, _for the best_.

  Even after the extensive therapy she went through she was still worried about him, maybe even more than she should. It was a long way for her to overcome the unconditional fondness she had for him. _It's good that you care, but you also care too much_ , said her therapist. But then again- in the end she actually slept with her therapist and then bolted over the Pacific Ocean, leaving nothing but a note on her night-stand. 

  _So much for the therapy_ , Valerie thought, rubbing her eyes and sitting up in the bed. She sighed, standing up and making her way to the lower level of her apartment, trying her best not to trip over in the dark. Even tough it was barely dark, since New York was shining brighter than any night before. The view of the city was magnificent and Valerie could stare at it all night if she could. But sleep deprivation is a thing, sadly.

  She came up behind the bar into the small kitchen and swiftly swung the door to the fridge open. _Not_ to her surprise- there was nothing in it. It was completely empty, the only thing inside were almost a week old bag of apples that she had no idea why she put there. Pushing the door shut, she turned around and went straight for the door of her apartment.

  Not even knowing why the hell she needed to eat something, she strolled through the hallways of the former STARK Tower on instinct. Although, when she walked into the elevator and pressed the button for the twenty third floor, watching the doors join together before she saw the time that was displayed on the small screen just below the buttons. It was three minutes to two in the morning and she shook her head at her own stupidity. She shouldn't have went out of bed, because now she was more sleepy than she ever was.

  Thinking it was too late to go back at this point, she proceeded to exit the elevator after it had arrived at the destined level, running her hand through her hair and pacing into the kitchen through the empty dining room. Unlike the dining area, the kitchen wasn't empty. 

  "Oh." It slipped past her lips as she noticed the super-soldier sitting on the bar stool in front of her. "Didn't expect you here." She mumbled, trying to avoid his sleepy gaze as he looked at her like a lost puppy. Steve smiled lightly, rubbing his eyes as he turned around to watch her open the big fridge that was right behind him.

  "I can say the same for you." He spoke in a raspy voice and Valerie had to physically stop herself from shivering as she looked through the loads of food stacked on the shelves. She wasn't prepared, it was two in the morning and despite all her efforts to deny it- she had a _fat_ crush on Captain America. Luckily, it was dark so Steve couldn't see how red her face was because it was positively burning up.

  "I couldn't sleep." She huffed as she decided to go with a small raspberry yogurt that seemed like nobody wanted it. "What's your excuse?" The black haired woman asked, slipping on the stool next to him, trying her damn best to seem casual.

  Steve shrugged, still smiling at her. "Likewise." He said and Valerie fought the urge to smile at him, trying to seem like she was grumpy because it was two in the morning. But it was harder than she could've imagined since Steve looked so _adorable_ when he was sleepy, not to mention that his messy hair just begged to be pulled at. She also couldn't help but notice the large sandwich that was laying on the plate in front of him.

  "Seems like I'm not the only one that eats in middle of the night." She huffed, opening the fruit yogurt and taking a sip from it as Steve chuckled, trying to avoid looking at him any more than she should.

  "Yeah, you're still not the one that will eat a _whole sandwich_ in the middle of the night." He huffed and picked up the sandwich he was talking about, taking a large bite out of it. Valerie didn't even realize she was staring at him until he swallowed the food in his mouth, his Adams apple bobbing slightly. Her eyes snapped back to the yogurt in her hand that she was holding perhaps to tight, her grip loosening as she remembered to relax.

  "But you aren't going to get fat like _me_ , for example." She huffed, rolling her eyes. "You don't even have to feel guilty about eating at two in the morning." She told him and he looked at her with a stunned expression, as if she had offended him in some way.

  "You're not fat." He practically gasped out, a deep frown on his face. Valerie's face broke out into a big smile as she laughed lightly, making Steve look even more shocked. "What? You're really not. You're really good looking." The blonde said innocently, making her cheeks heat up even more.

  "Sure. You're just being polite, Rogers." She shook her head as she tried to ignore the compliment, drinking the yogurt to the bottom as Steve scoffed next to her, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt, to what she payed attention only now since she could see every bit of his biceps flexing as his arms folded together. 

  "Why do you think I'm always saying things just to be polite?" He huffed. "I can say mean things too, you know." He pouted and she almost let herself remember the stuff he said about Tony when they were on the helicarrier, but forced the negative thoughts out of her mind and instead chuckled at his reaction.

  "I'm not saying you should be mean to people, being polite suits you. I mean- I like the polite Steve Rogers." She told him and he smiled at her, huffing and shyly looking away very shortly after.

  "Well... That's nice to hear." He said and she felt her smile growing bigger without permission, her cheeks hurting from it. But she didn't mind, it was a nice, warm feeling that filled her. It was as if she was a fifteen year old girl all over again, who would pine after her crush and smile dumbly whenever they talked to her. Except this time, her crush looked the same as she talked to him and she wondered if there was, perhaps, hope.

  "Yeah." She gasped, gazing at him as he looked back up at her and there was just dead silence between them. Valerie could sense the slight shift in her weight that pulled her forward not a second later, pulling herself out of the overwhelming trance and standing up as she cleared her throat. "I should probably get going-" She took the empty yogurt container and threw it into the garbage. "And you should sleep, too. It's really late."

  Steve nodded firmly, taking note of the advice. "I just have to finish this." He told her, pointing to the big sandwich that was still on his plate. "Sleep well, Val." The man added, giving her one last sweet smile.

  "Good night, Steve." She returned and hurried out of the kitchen as she felt her cheeks heat up once again. The way he said _Val_ , as if it was just no big deal, made her feel like she needed more oxygen than normal. Sure, Tony called her Val too, so did Natasha- but it wasn't the same way when _he_ said it. It was just so... _soft_. So _sweet_. 

  She took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself down as she entered the elevator and pressed the button for her floor. The little screen below the key-board now displayed the time as 2:37 AM and Valerie honestly couldn't care less. All she could think about was the way Steve looked so good with messy hair and the way his muscles flexed as he crossed his arms- it was just _too much_ for her to worry about anything else. 

  Physically shaking herself away from the thought, she focused on leaving the elevator when it stopped, hastily proceeding to walk down the hallway and practically bounce into her apartment. She quickly climbed the staircase that led up to the second level, almost _running_ towards her bed and jumping onto it. She burried her face in the pillows, smiling dumbly to herself.

  Valerie fell asleep not too long after that, slipping away into the blissful emptiness.


	5. 4 | MIXED FEELINGS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so hey, this is set immediately a day after the last chapter. enjoy!
> 
> (ALSO THAT TRAILER???????????)

   He didn't feel like eating breakfast in the slightest, but he hoped that he would catch a moment alone with Valerie at some point. At this point, he was growing tired of not talking to her and pretending that everything will be fine as long as they share less that two words a week. It was absurd and he wasn't going to proceed like this any longer.

   Though, when Tony walked into the shared kitchen and saw her laughing and smiling at Steve with sparkly eyes, the blonde super-soldier wearing the same expression, his stomach turned upside down. They were sitting on the bar stools with Natasha and Clint lurking behind them as they made breakfast. Was it worth it to try and talk to her now? He didn't want to ruin her good mood in any way, plus he didn't think he could bare watching her be so cheerful only because of Steve.

   "Oh, Tony." She turned to look at him, her smile still intact. Well it was too late to run away now. He tried to return the smile as he muttered good morning, but that only earned him a confused glare from Natasha.

   "You good?" Steve asked him as he made his way around the countertop in search for coffee. Tony was a bit startled by the question, but quickly sobered up and nodded.

   "Yeah, Cap. Just couldn't sleep well last night, I guess." He muttered, pouring the already cold coffee into his enormous mug. Natasha was still staring at him with a frown, eating her oatmeal in silence. "What?" Tony hissed at her.

   "Nothing, you look a bit pale." The redhead muttered, taking another spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth. He narrowed his eyes at her, knowing full well that there was something else she had in mind. He hated when she did that, the stares that told you that she got it all already figured out. It was fucking irritating.

  "Right." He huffed and rolled his eyes, turning around just in time to catch Valerie observing him worriedly, but she looked back to Steve as soon as he did so. Steve was still smiling at her and she smiled again, continuing to talk to him about something.

  "Can you come with me for a second, Stark?" Natasha suddenly barked, marching out of the kitchen and into the empty hallway. Sighing, he went after her as he felt everybody else's stares on his back. As soon as he stepped his foot into that hallway his friend stared him down with irritation in his eyes.

  "What?" He asked ignorantly, waiting for an answer as she took her time, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. It would've been intimidating, even straight up scary, only if Tony didn't feel like he wanted to go back to bed and spend the next few years there. He hadn't had the energy, nor will to put up with it.

  Natasha shook her head. "Stop acting like you don't know what you look like." She growled, to what the brunette only rolled his eyes. "You're a damn asshole, you know? She's finally happy and now you're doing all-" She waved her hands around.

   "What are you trying to say?" He frowned at her, pressing his hand to his chest, as if offended. Natasha gritted her teeth, shrugging.

   "You can figure out, genius." She muttered and tried to get away from him by going back into the kitchen, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Listen, you can't pretend that everything is fine forever. If you're not going to talk to her, I will, because she's my friend and I don't want her to be hurt anymore." Natasha told him in low voice as she pushed his hand away.

   "Oh, yeah?" He shot back. "Like you know anything. You don't have any right to get between me and Valerie, it's not your business."

   "I know because I know you, Tony. You don't let people help you and you still don't know how to deal with what you feel. Especially for Valerie. I'm just telling you it's too late now and you have to live with it. Better make amends than ruin yourself even more." She shrugged and gave him a pitying look as she folded her hands across her chest.

  "Why are  **you**  telling me all of this? Why do  **you**  even care? I thought you were above the  _feelings_  thing," he asked, making the spy uncomfortable, "Or do you actually care?" added the genius, slightly squinting his eyes, "You care for her, that's the problem."

  "Stop, Stark. I'm warning you," Natasha growled at him in response.

  Tony smiled smugly, "You know, Nat, I always thought Valerie would be the one that ends up hurt and abandoned. Not that you would be sorry that you aren't with her."

  "That's rich, coming from you, Stark," Black Widow hissed, her eyes emotionless and her face was dull, "Think about what I said. Don't let yourself hurt her. She doesn't deserve any more shit than what she already went through."

  Natasha then walked away, after she gave him a grounding look, leaving him to sulk in doubt and self pity. He leaned his back against the wall, listening as Valerie's laugh was followed by something Steve said, making her laugh even harder. The brunette cursed below his breath, running a shaky hand through his hair. He forced himself to walk away swiftly. Keeping his head high and his gaze fixed in front of him. He couldn't persist.

  Though, he wasn't fast enough, since Valerie caught a glance of him and immediately got curious. What was keeping him at a distance? She glared at the doorway, turning back only when Steve asked if she was okay. "Yeah, just spaced out." She smiled at him, shrugging lightly.

  Steve huffed, still smiling at her. "Well, as I was saying-"

___

  It was the first night in a while that he actually wanted to sleep, though he couldn't. He couldn't even close his eyes. The only thing he had the ability to do was stare at the ceiling, wide eyed, and replay every single thing he did to drive Valerie away. If he wasn't so stupid to make her go away, they wouldn't be here. He wouldn't be here. But maybe it was good that she left. After all, she got away from him, the person that was toxic to her and let her down so many times. She went to therapy and got better, just like she deserves to be. In conclusion, he was happy for her and sorry for himself.

  He stood up from his bed, walking groggily across the room and out into the living room. Hazily, he searched for the liquor cabinet in the dim light that came from the luminous glow of New York through the windows. Throwing some ice into an empty glass, he poured scotch over it and took a sip. The amber liquid slightly burned his throat, but he didn't mind. It was about the only thing that held him from going insane.

  Tony sneaked his way out of his room, padding through the hallway and into the elevator. He pondered over where he should go. A moment later he pressed the button with 27 written on it, looking at the ceiling as he stuffed his free hand in his pocket, the other one falling next to his side.

  As soon as the elevator opened he was greeted by the sight of his best friend on the balcony that led out of the lobby on her floor. He made careful steps towards the door, knocking on the glass as he arrived.

  Valerie jumped in surprise, mumbling a small 'hi' under her breath ass she tried to hide something behind her back. "Uh, what are you doing up this late?" She said with a shaky breath, her eyes darting away from his face to his drink for only a moment.

  "Couldn't sleep." He smiled, bending to the side in an attempt to see what was she hiding behind her back. "Since when do you smoke?" Stark asked and Valerie shook her head rapidly, trying to speak, but she was too startled to do so. "I see the smoke, Val."

  The woman rolled her eyes, dropping her guard and pulled her hands from behind her back. A half burnt cigarette hung loosely between her index and middle finger of her right hand. "Yeah. Since two months ago."  She shrugged and leaned her elbows back against the railing. "Just don't tell anybody." She requested, putting the cigarette to her mouth and pulling in the smoke.

  "Right." He huffed and stepped up next to her, leaning over the railing with his forearms pressed to it. "So, how's it going with Capsicle?" Valerie stayed silent for a moment, before her face broke out into a wide smile as she huffed in satisfaction. "That good, huh?"

  "No, he's just-" She sighed, turning to look at Tony. "He's nice. You know. He's sweet and- I don't know, I have an old fashioned high school crush on him." Pulling another smoke out of her cigarette, she threw it behind her and crossed her arms. Tony laughed at that, shaking his head.

  "That's so cute." He mocked in a high pitched tone, downing his drink afterwards. Truth be told he thought it was annoying how nice her and Steve got along, it was easy for them to fall for each other. He despised the way they deserved each other, but all he could do is deny that. All he could do was hope that this feeling of spite and jealousy goes away quickly and doesn't come back.

   After all he had Pepper and he loved her, she was the only one who was with him through it all, actually. Valerie left, he had to remind himself. Then again there were many other factors as to why. "You know, you seem so distant. This is literally the first time we talked since I came back." She stared at him, but he didn't look back, only forced himself to stare at the empty glass in his hand.

  "I've just had a lot on my plate, I guess." He mumbled, glancing at her face over his shoulder.

  "You guess?" She laughed, her head falling back as she stared at the autumn sky full of gloomy clouds. It was brisk outside, but she was still in her short sleeved, worn out shirt for sleeping with nothing to wear over it. Her legs were completely exposed as she wore only a short pair of bottoms. He cleared his throat as he made himself stop looking at her neck. "You're avoiding me. I get it, Tony, just-"

  "I'm not avoiding you because of you." He shook his head, clicking his tongue. "I'm afraid that I'll start acting like a jerk again. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

  "Listen, as mush as you hurt me, I was hurt even before you came. You saved my life anyway, so you aren't  _that_  bad. I still care about you, Stark. As a friend." She clarified and Tony felt his heart stop for a moment and then beat even faster. "I left and there's a lot to it, but I think all we can do is move on and try to get along as good as we can. Unless you don't want to?"

  "I do." He flashed her a quick smile. "Just need some time to figure it out."

  "Both of us." She smiled back at him. "Anyway, how are you and Pepper doing? Are you finally listening to anything she says?"

   _Why do **you** have to ask about her for fucks sake?_ He attempted to laugh, making it sound more strained than it had to be. "You know. As usual. She's great, I mean- It's  _Pepper_. She's perfect. Half of the time I feel like I don't deserve, but for some reason she still loves me. And I love her, too. Who wouldn't? She's just so put together and amazing and-" He rambled and Valerie continued smiling at him sympathetically. He hated every second of it, it was so conflicting and he did  _really_  love Pepper, because- just like he said- it was  _Pepper_. He just hoped that the way he currently felt about Valerie was only because he missed her and was happy that she was back.

  "I know. Pepper's great. I'm happy for you two, you're good together. As much as you think you don't deserve her, she's strong. I mean- she can put up with your bullshit a lot better than anybody else." Valerie huffed. "And she's really pretty."

  "Are you trying to suggest that you want to steal my girlfriend?" He raised his eyebrows at her, pretending to be shocked.

  "Well, I could if I wanted to..." She winked at him and he laughed, more in surprise than because it was funny.

  "Sure you could." He muttered, staring off at the New York lights. Valerie cleared her throat and gave him a pat on the shoulder before she headed back inside.

  "I'm gonna go sleep. It's late." She informed him disappearing inside of the building.

   Tony stood there for a minute or two longer, waiting until he was sure that she was in her apartment before he decided to go to sleep himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so, i've decided to take a break from this fanfic. if you even care about this fic, don't worry (arnold schwartzenegger's voice) i'll be back. i just need to rest my head for a bit and hopefully rewatch the whole mcu (lol) to get some new ideas. this small... idk? hiatus, i guess, will end hopefully some time towards the beginning of january. so yeah, until then i wish you happy new years, christmas or whatever you celebrate! bye!


	6. 5 | TITANIC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i know i said imma b back at the beginning of january BUT i really needed this time off and it helped. now, i swear this will b the last chapter that was written so lazily, i know what i'm going to do from now on so yeah, enjoy i guess!

   "Here's your order, sir," the black haired woman with green eyes smiled at the customer. The man smiled back at her kindly, nodding once and grabbing the plastic bag from her grasp. She sighed, wiping her hands on her apron. Looking out of the shop window, she saw a familiar man approaching. Valerie smiled against her will.

  When Steve asked if she needed a ride home she was quick to accept. Maybe even too quick, to be fair. She was happy to see him after a seemingly never-ending day at work like this one. Seeing him smiling back, just as pleased as she was, made her even more happy and she couldn't wait to get home and spend time with him.

  It had been almost a month since she came back to New York and moved in with the rest of the team. For that time, she had gotten closer to Steve and now even found a job. She was taking it easy, and making it as simple as she could.

  It was nice being this much at ease, knowing that there was nothing that could happen to take it away from her. At least she wasn't willing to let that happen. And then, when it came to Steve, she knew he would also be willing to fight for what  _they_  had. If nothing, their friendship. But she wanted to fight for something much more than that.

  The bell above the door rang, interrupting her train of thought.

  "Am I late?" Steve Rogers smiled softly, "I'm really sorry that I kept you waiting," he apologized, taking off his dark sunglasses and his black baseball cap. 

  "No, no, it's okay, we were about to close," Valerie replied with a nod, " You're early," she returned the smile and turned around, telling him she'll be back in no more than a minute. Ducking her head, she passed through the low doorway behind the counter and entered into the small kitchen. "Ali, I'm gonna leave. Do you need help closing up or..."

  "Nah. It's cool," answered Ali, the nineteen-year-old boy she worked with in the small bakery shop, "I'll see you tomorrow," the teen told her as she threw her apron at him, watching him hang it on one of the many hooks on the wall and smooth back his black hair.

  "See you," Valerie agreed, going back through the faulty doorway. "Let's go, Rogers. Thanks for picking me up, by the way."

  "No problem, Val," the super-soldier assured her, after what there was a slight pause before Valerie heard a sudden thump behind her back. As she turned around, she was met with the sight of Ali, standing in front of the doorway to the kitchen, trembling with excitement.

  "Oh. My. God," Ali barely kept it together, completely oblivious to the fact that he could've lost his head because of the low doorway, "Captain America is your boyfriend?" he said, just a bit above a whisper. His face, usually a soft bronze colour, was now completely pale, his dark eyes as wide as saucers.

  Valerie chuckled awkwardly, shaking her head, "No, we're just friends," her cheeks burned as she answered him. The boy's mouth turned into an 'O' shape, his own cheeks turning a soft rose color.  _But I wish_ , she added in her mind.

  She noticed a slight change in how he was standing, the energy that he exhibited. Then he cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his pockets, "It's an honor to meet you, sir," Ali frowned slightly as he nodded at Steve, a sense of righteousness in his eyes. He puffed out his chest and straightened his back, seeming taller than he actually was.

  Steve nodded back at him, finally speaking up, "Thank you. But please, call me Steve," he said kindly, smiling at the boy. 

  Valerie noticed only then that Steve's cheeks were still as red as a tomato, making her face heat up even more.  _What if he actually wanted to be with me_   _like that_ , she thought as she turned her head back to Ali.  _Is it bad to hope so?_

   "No, thank  _you_ , sir," beamed Ali. He looked like he wanted to burst into million pieces at any second now. Still, he kept it together pretty well for a nineteen-year-old. Valerie didn't even know he was a fan of her friends.

  She smiled at him, "We have to go now. Avengers stuff and all, you know..." she rolled her eyes, but Ali's eyes widened and he nodded rapidly, full of understanding. Valerie almost felt bad for him.

   "Um, I'll see you Monday?" the boy asked, his eyes swiftly going between the two superheros. He tried to look as casual as possible, though it was easy to see that he was ridden with excitement and anxiety altogether.

    Valerie confirmed with a nod, telling him another brief 'bye' before her and Steve got out of the small bakery. She looked at Steve, who was now smoothly putting on his sunglasses.

   "That kid seems nice," Steve tried to break the awkward silence, but Valerie didn't know what to say and only let out a strained laugh. The super-soldier looked at her over his glasses, making her even more nervous. "You okay?" he asked, frowning slightly.

   "Y-Yeah... Anyway- where's our ride?" she looked around, trying to find Steve's Harley, but it was nowhere in sight. Even when she wanted to question its absence, Steve motioned towards an old fashioned, Chevrolet impala that was parked right in front of them.

   "I borrowed it from Stark, wanna go for a ride?" Steve asked, smirking at her. He opened the passenger door for her, and she smiled from ear to ear, nodding rapidly. His gaze followed her as she sat inside, the door shutting immediately after. Moments after, he was next to her in the drivers seat.

  Valerie watched him as he revved up the engine, focusing on the traffic. She admired his side profile while he didn't look and thought about just how much she would like to kiss him. It was stupid of her to feel like that, she was an adult. But being flustered every time he smiles and talks to her is something that frequently happened at this point. Without doubt, it was fine if somebody called her out on that. Even if it was Steve.

  Though, nobody was mentioning it, not even Tony joked about it, which was completely fine with her, but- there's always a but. The silence was a bit too much. It was obvious that Valerie and Steve were closer, and nobody pointing it out was just- weird. Mostly when it came to Tony.

  She was concerned about him, he didn't seem like his usual self. He seemed distant, as if he wanted to avoid her at any cost. At this point, it was evident. Which was, again, completely reasonable since she abandoned him and left him stranded after the whole Manhattan debacle. She was selfish, but she was also ready to own up to it.

  "Hey, is something wrong?" Steve suddenly sounded from his seat and she looked at him, his eyebrows raised and his eyes demanding answers. "You really don't look like you're in a mood for hanging out today."

  She shook her head, "No, I'm just really tired. It's Friday and we had really a lot of customers today," Valerie told him and he nodded slightly. He didn't seem convinced enough, though.

  "Maybe we could just hang out at the tower? How does that sound?" he smiled at her, immediately lightening her mood.

  "That's perfect," she returned the smile.

  So the two of them drove  hauled three full plastic bags of sweets and snacks, after what they returned to the Avengers tower. There was seemingly nobody around. But when it really looked like they were off the hook, they bumped into Barton just as he was exiting the elevator. 

  "Hey, you two," the archer said. He was dressed in his full gear, carrying his bow along with the stack of arrows on his back. "What are you up to?" he looked down at Steve's hands, which were clutching onto the handles of the plastic bags tightly.

   "Nothing much," Steve shrugged, "just watching some movies." 

   Clint looked positively intrigued, "Well, well," he smirked smugly, "You're gonna have a little old Netflix and Chill session, right?"

   Valerie's heartbeat increased and she was begging whoever was out there to give her enough strength not to punch her fellow Avenger right now. And also that Steve was unaware of the term. "I would kindly request that you shut up, Barton."

  But Clint's shit eating grin only widened while Steve frowned. "Snarky, aren't you," he glared at Valerie just as she narrowed her gaze at him, "Anyway, I have work to do. You kids have fun." The SHIELD spy gave Steve a quick pat on his shoulder and Valerie another smug glance, after what he quickly disappeared down the hall.

  Entering the elevator, there was a silence between Valerie and Steve. She was hoping that Steve didn't have a slightest idea what Barton was on about. When Steve asked her what Clint meant by 'Netflix and Chill', she was thanking the forces of the universe.

   "Well, it's just Clint being Clint," she replied dismissively, "Don't worry too much about it."

   She was surprised when Steve nodded and let it go, the rest of the elevator ride spent in complete silence. She wasn't complaining, though. It was useful enough for her to recollect her thoughts after the Hawkeye encounter. 

    _That much for nobody mentioning it_ , she thought to herself.

   When the elevator stopped on the floor where her apartment was, she went out with Steve right behind her. As soon as they entered her apartment, he was impressed with the way it looked. Only then did she remember that this was the first time he was coming to her place.

  "You certainly are Stark's best friend," he chuckled. Valerie shot him a questioning look, which prompted him to elaborate, "Your apartment is way bigger than mine. Anybody other's, really." 

   Valerie huffed at the new revelation, "Well, you can move in with me if you like it so much," she smiled. Though, when she saw Steve's eyebrows raise, she realized how that sounded and turned around in an attempt to hide her red face.

   After they poured all the snacks into bowls and gathered the blankets that they needed, it was the time to choose a movie. "So," Valerie started, "What kind of movies do you like?"

   Steve gave it a thought for a quick second, "I don't like any specific type of movies," he shrugged, sitting down on the big C shaped sofa and stretching his arms over the back rest.

   Valerie looked at him for a long moment, trying to stop herself from thinking about anything that could happen right now. And Steve was just sitting there, doing nothing. But at the same time he was doing so much just by being present. " _Okay_ ," she replied breathily and turned her back to him to look at the TV screen, "Did you watch Titanic?"

   "No," Steve said, "They made a movie about that?"

   "Yeah," Valerie nodded, "It's from the late nineties. Leonardo DiCaprio plays in it. He's one of my favourite actors, to be honest," she smiled at him as she glanced at him over her shoulder.

  "I have never heard of him," Steve gave her a strange look, "But yeah, let's watch that." He huddled under the huge blanket that she gave him moments ago, patiently waiting for her to play the movie.

   She sighed to herself, facing the screen again. Pressing the play button, she watched the intro play for a few moments. Even though she had little to no courage to turn around and sit on the couch next to him, she had to. And when she finally did it, he didn't look away from the screen, not even when she tugged on the other half of the big, soft blanket in order to get under it.

    _This is fine_ , she thought,  _Completely fine with me._ In reality, though, she was nervous as hell. Yet, she eventually managed to calm down. Because that was nothing more than a regular hangout. Just some movies and snacks, that's all. And one big blanket that was now making her warm and mellow. She could also feel the warmth of Steve's body sooth her even more. 

  He was so close to her and she couldn't care less about the movie starting to play. She saw Titanic a thousand times already, anyway. Being next to Steve was of bigger interest right now. She could feel her nerves tangle from nervousness. But even with a feeling like that, she couldn't help but feel pleased.

   This moment was the best she ever felt with someone. Nothing could compare to something as simple as this. So she let herself completely relax, moving to be closer to him. The left side of her body was now pressed against the right side of his body, and the sudden shift of her body surprised the super-soldier a bit. 

  She could feel him hesitate to give into it, but there wasn't long before he slowly wrapped his arm around her.  _That_  was a bold move. But Valerie didn't think twice before she took the opportunity to cuddle into his side. She was so close to him now, she could also barely hear the steady thumping of his heart. He was warm and she was slowly convinced that she didn't want to leave that place ever.

  But, sadly, she couldn't stay there forever. Because the movie had to end eventually. And when it did, Valerie turned to look at Steve, who was on the brink of tears. "Are you going to cry?" she muttered, feeling her eyelids become slightly heavier.

  "No," he cleared his throat and blinked quickly, "It was a good movie."

  "Yeah," she smiled up at him as she felt herself become sleepier, "We should make this a routine. Watching movies together every Friday evening."

  The suggestion brought a smile on his face, too, "We should." He nodded and there was a lengthy pause. Valerie felt her weight shift and she leaned slightly forward. But before she could actually decide to make a move, Steve looked away to see what time it was. "It's getting late. We should probably call it a night."

  Valerie felt her heart sink a little. "Yeah, sure," she made the effort to peel herself away from the side of Steve's torso and stand up. As she did so, the coolness of the air around her swarmed her, making her wish that this evening didn't have to end.

 Steve copied her movements, standing up in front of her and staring right into her eyes for a few moments, but this time she was the one to look away before anything happens. 

   _Coward_ , she mentally bashed herself.

  "Well," Steve sighed, moving towards the door of her apartment, "I guess I'm gonna head off," he flashed her a quick smile when they stopped at the door. She nodded at him, again the two of them facing each other. It felt like the last opportunity to do something, if anything. 

   But Valerie bowed her head and smiled at her feet, like the real idiot that she is. Why wasn't she acting on it right now? Not even  _she_  had any idea. Maybe it was that she didn't feel brave enough. Regardless, it was stupid.

  "Goodnight, Steve," she said as he opened the door and went through. 

  "Goodnight, Val." His eyes looked sparkly, and strangely distant as he smiled one last time at her, walking away only a second later. 

  She watched him disappear down the dusky hall before shutting the door and sighing to herself as she made her way over to the couch. It was truly dumb what she had just done, but then again, perhaps it won't hurt to get a little more time to get to know Steve.

  She didn't feel like going over to her actual bed. So she just wrapped herself in the over-sized blanket, still warm from Steve, and let herself fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually took my time to edit this chapter so, yay me!


	7. 6 | NIGHT TERROR

 Even though her sleep was deep, it was suddenly disturbed in the middle of the night. She was forced to wake up by the banging on her apartment door. It made her jump instantly, the few solid pounds on the wooden surface ringing out in her half awake mind.

  "Who is it?" she called out, breathing heavy as her eyes struggled immensely to accommodate themselves to the grim lighting. She frantically tried to understand what was happening, but with no success.

  There was another series of hysterical pounds, urging her to jump to her feet and swiftly stumble to open the door. Her heartbeat sped up as she reached for the door handle and pushed it down, swinging the door open.

   And when she took in the sight in front of her, she froze. Her eyes widened immediately. She was completely awake, and she could feel her heart stop for a moment. Her insides clenched, she was unable to breathe. Her limbs felt numb from surprise and terror mixed together.

  She gaped at him for a moment, taking in how disheveled he looked. But then she realized that something was seriously wrong- he was shaking and struggling to breathe. His bloodshot eyes were open wide, full of horror as he pushed past her to enter her apartment.

  "Tony?" her voice came out strangled and distorted. She quickly shut the door and went over to him. He couldn't even respond, and for a moment she thought she could start panicking just as bad as he did.

  She watched him collapse next to the sofa, his legs giving out from trembling too much. In an instant, she was crouching next to him, gripping both his shoulders and forcing him to look at her. "Look at me, Tony," she demanded, "I'm here. It's okay. You're okay. Please, breathe," she tried to stop her voice from shaking, completely mortified of seeing him like this.

  For all that she knew him, even when he was dying, he didn't look this bad. He didn't look _half_ this bad. He looked unbelievably terrified of something. But she didn't know what- and that scared her.

"Breathe," she whispered to him, putting her arms on both his cheeks. He still looked mortified and it was breaking her heart, every second of it- "Look at me," she commanded sternly, "Breathe."

  And after a few minutes of her navigating him through the panic attack and both of them breathing together, at some point he calmed down. His breathing steadied and his eyes became tired. She could now see his face up close and she could see the complete hopelessness behind his expression. There were bags under his eyes and she could tell that he still wasn't sleeping as much as he should be.

  "Are you okay now?" she whispered to him, dropping her hands from his face. 

  He only nodded.

  "Do you want to stay here with me?" she asked him further, watching a glimpse of doubt spark up in his eyes.

   But, even though hesitantly, he nodded once again.

   She gave him as best smile as she could, standing up and reaching out to offer him a hand. He gazed at her palm but eventually took the offer and took her hand. She pulled him up, helping him stand on his feet. He was like a deer in the headlights- scared, jumpy.

  The two of them slowly made it to the second level of her apartment, Valerie clasped her hand onto Tony's bicep, trying to off her him any support she could. They ascended the stairs, one step at a time, and she held onto him tighter and tighter.

  Once they were up, Tony didn't dare look at her. He walked towards the foot of her king sized bed, still unmade with crumpled sheets. He stopped there, staring at the bed, a new sense of misery awoken behind his distant glare. His eyelids fell closed for a moment, his shoulders slumping even lower, as he took in a sharp, rigged breath.

  She was about to say something, but he then decided to move again, going over to the side and letting himself fall onto the mattress. "I'll be down on the couch if you need me," she told him, trying to walk away.

  "Stay, please," he whispered, stopping her in her tracks. It was a quick and quiet sentence, she could barely hear it- but she did.

  "You sure?" she asked, giving him a sad look of uncertainty.

  He glanced away from her face for a second, returning it immediately. His only response was another hesitant nod, but it was enough to convince her to lay next to him.

  She sighed, sitting down on the bed and positioning herself so she was close to him, but still not too close. Though, the distance that she tried to put between them soon disappeared when Tony pulled himself closer to her. He pulled the sheets over her and put his head on her shoulder, hugging her waist with one hand.

  It startled her for a moment, but then she draped her arm around his shoulders, pulling him even closer to her. She could still tell that his eyes were open, but she didn't dare say anything. She stared at the ceiling, wondering to herself what the hell happened.

  What had upset him so badly? For how long has this been going on? It was concerning, the thought that incidents like this might have happened before and she wasn't there for him. She knew what it meant to get panic attacks in the middle of the night and not be able to sleep, even for a week or two in row. And now she was mortified to think that might be happening to him.

  Is that the reason he had been ignoring her? Because he was afraid to allow her see him like this, or perhaps because he was ashamed. Either way, it was dumb that he didn't come to her for support. But then again- why would he? She abandoned him and maybe she didn't take it as serious as it is. 

  She is too head over heels for Steve to have noticed that her best friend was hurting. It didn't matter how much better she felt, she always found a way to screw something up. She was so ignorant and so stupid for thinking that Tony was probably just uncomfortable with her return, that he  _will get over it_  soon enough.

  She should've seen the signs. The tiredness. The lack of talking. The bags under his eyes, the way he disappeared to his lab, the way he avoided having breakfast with the team. She was so,  _so_  dumb. She screwed things over, yet again.  _She_  was the reason Tony was like this, but she was too occupied with herself to realize it.

  Her thoughts perished after she heard Tony's soft snoring. She smiled to herself, trying to relax as best as she could. It wasn't time to feel mad at herself right now.

  So she took in a deep breath, closing her eyes and falling asleep shortly after.

***

  In the morning, she woke up around eight. She opened her eyes slowly, blinded by the strong morning sunlight that shone directly on her bed. Shielding her eyes, she inspected the situation around her.

  Tony was still in the same position as when they fell asleep, clutching onto the fabric of her T-shirt. He was still sound asleep, unmoved. One of his legs was now also over her legs, which meant that he was almost laying on top of her.

  She was careful as she freed herself from him, carefully removing his limbs from on top of her. She removed her arm from around him, swapping her shoulder for a pillow. Standing up, she made sure that the sheets were once again covering him whole and then she was finally fine to go downstairs.

  She decided that she was going to make breakfast, just to make sure that Tony wakes up to at least something pleasant. She gathered all the things she needed and got to work, trying to be as quiet as she could through the process.

  It took her a while, but when she was done, with all the pancakes stacked in two big piles on two plates, Tony was still asleep. She sighed, sitting down on the bar stool and staring at all the food she made.

  She didn't even understand where she learned to cook. Nobody ever taught her, certainly not her parents. There wasn't anybody to help her learn, or to improve. It must've been something she just had to know, without even noticing that she learned to do it. That was the case with many other things, she realized.

  Just moments later she heard the staircase shriek slightly. Lifting her gaze from the pile of food, she saw Tony slowly making his way to the bottom level of her room.

  He looked tired, or perhaps only sleepy. His eyelids were seemingly heavy and his hair was a mess, as well as his clothes. He dragged his hand along the length of his face, squeezing his eyes shut and opening them shortly after, just as he stepped on the ground.

  "Hey, sleeping beauty," she straightened her back, smiling at him lightly.

  He didn't say anything, just sighed. 

  "You hungry?" she proceeded, trying her best to get him to talk in some way. "I mean, it really doesn't matter. You have to eat."

  "I'm not hungry," he shook his head, going behind the kitchen bar and immediately to the coffee machine, "I'm really sorry that I barged in like that last night. Must've terrified you." He poured himself the already cold coffee, avoiding to look at her.

  But she didn't give in to his attempts to avoid her. Instead, she stared at him intently, her glaring making him uneasy. And she was glad, she had to make him talk, she had to break down whatever wall he had built up while she was gone.

  "Tony," she spoke sharply.

  He turned around and looked at her, but only briefly, after what he looked away and hummed, sitting on a bar stool on the opposite side of the counter. "What's wrong?" he asked her bluntly.

  Her eyebrows scrunched together, "What's wrong?" she gasped in shock, "Tony, you came into my room having a  _severe panic attack_  at  _two in the morning_. Am I just supposed to ignore that?" Her eyes searched his face for answer, even though he didn't look back at her.

  He squirmed in his seat, tracing the edge of the cup with his middle finger. It was so hard for him to avoid her, but it was obvious he'd rather do that than talk to her like a normal person. He was being impossible.

  "You won't talk to me?" she asked, but there was no response. Not even a glance from him. "Tony, you're avoiding me so much for the time I've been here. You don't want to eat with the team in the morning, you don't even talk to us. I mean, I get why you're avoiding me, it's because I straight up abandoned you. But I'm still worried. I-"

  "It's not you, Val," he finally says, looking up at her with sadness in his eyes. "I'm just messed up, that's all"

  She nodded, "It's okay. You can talk to me if you want to..." she told him hopefully, trying to get him to say something, if anything.

  "I just-" he squeezed his eyes shut, his hands starting to shake and his breath hitching, "I've been a mess ever since the alien invasion insanity and Thor's crazy adopted brother. It's completely reasonable, I flew a fucking nuke into space and almost died-" he spoke quickly and his voice started trembling.

  Valerie reached to take one of his shaking hands, "Breathe, Tony." She looked at him with regret more than pity. It was her fault that Loki came to the Earth and they were unprepared, and after the mess that he caused, she just left.

  "I'm sorry," Tony apologized, practically breathing the words out. He looked like he was going to have another panic attack and Valerie squeezed his hand tighter.

  "For what?" she tried to catch his gaze, "You don't have  anything to be sorry for..."

  "Yes I do... I do. I've been an asshole towards you and I've constantly been ignorant and I treated you like shit when you've always been there for me. I've just ignored the fact that I always said whatever and that I didn't even stop to consider how you might've felt... I made you leave."

  She shook her head, "No, Tony. I didn't leave because of you. Maybe there was a moment in which I thought that you were an asshole and maybe I was a but jealous of Pepper too... But there were still other factors to why I left. There was so much wrong with me. I had so many problems. I watched my colleague die in front of me and I couldn't do anything. I was betrayed by Loki, who I thought I could trust and confided in for so long. I had to go away because I would've gone insane if I didn't. I had to see my therapist, and I couldn't return until my problems were resolved." She explained herself, trying to convince him that he wasn't even the third of why she left.

  He looked at her, seeing her genuine eyes and sad smile. She could see the emotion behind his face shift, he was convinced. At least partially. He clamped his free hand over hers, making her smile widen.

  But there was still something wrong. There was something else he wasn't telling her. But he already said so much, considering he was Tony Stark. It was okay to let him let it out gradually, regaining stability took time and Valerie knew that was what Tony needed. After all, she went through a very similar thing.

  "Okay," he finally said, smirking a bit, "Maybe I am a bit hungry."

  She huffed, the smile never leaving her face. "Well, I'm glad I didn't make all this food for nothing." She slid one of the plates towards him, handing him a fork and a knife, taking the other one herself.

  "Cheers," he mumbled, digging into the mountain of pancakes.

  She chuckled, "Cheers."


	8. 7 | JARVIS, PLAY DON'T STOP ME NOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so idk if this one's that good because i have no idea how to describe people dancing,, but i tried my best to make it at least tolerable so i hope you'll like it

   The dull, gray ceiling didn't give her the relief of doing something interesting. There wasn't anything remotely exciting in sitting there, with gaze glued to the ashy paint. And with every moment, listening to the graphite wearing out as it grazed the paper, it seemed to be even more unsatisfying.

   She felt like there might've been hours since she got there and found Tony planning and adjusting his newest suit, although she knew there have been barely one. But in this surrounding she couldn't make the difference between seconds and minutes. Boredom made it seem as though she was going to wait forever for her best friend to take a break.

   Still, Tony wasn't giving up on his work. When she asked him if he would like to stop for a while and get something to eat, he answered that he ate a few hours prior. Which wasn't true at all, because everybody in the tower was aware he hadn't exited the boundaries of his lab for more than a few hours. It was worrying, but he wouldn't budge.

   It's been a week since she found out he had night terrors and after that she invited him to stay with her for a few days to make sure he could sleep, but he refused and was very cryptic about why. Though, she dropped it and instead just spent as much time as she could with him. Even now, when he was completely ignoring her.

   Valerie dragged her eyes over to look at him, persistently writing something and then crossing it out, and stared until he finally decided to pay attention to her. He glanced up for a moment, his fingers still clutching onto the mechanic pencil as he wrote.

   "What?" the scientist muttered, returning his attention to his notes immediately. He didn't seem genuinely interested, though. She could physically feel him not paying attention.

  "You've been ignoring me for the past forty five minutes," she pointed out, spinning on the office chair she had been sitting on.

  He huffed and shook his head, tearing the paper apart and then crumbling all the pieces up in one ball. He dunked it in the trash and proceeded to start writing on another blank paper.

  "Earth to Tony?" she called out, waving her arms in the air. She was desperately trying to get him to stop working, but she didn't think she would succeed any time soon. Then an idea came to her mind. "JARVIS?"

  " _Yes, Ms Kent?_ " the AI responded right away, it's voice making Tony look up instantly.

  She smiled at her friend, "Play Don't Stop Me Now, by Queen."

  " _Certainly._ "

   The music started and Tony rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Stop, Valerie," he frowned at her with disappointment, "I have to work."

   "Turn it up JARVIS," she laughed and started singing as the music became louder, " _Floating around in ecstasy..._ " she stood up from the chair, " _So don't. Stop. Me. Now..._ "

   _'Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time..._

  " _I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky like a tiger,_ " she grabbed a screwdriver from his desk and used it as a fake microphone, trying deliberately to sing louder than the already too loud music, " _Defying the laws of gravity..._ " Though, Tony was still fighting a grin that was trying to make its way on his face.

    _I'm a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva._

   " _I'm gonna go, go, go-_ " she came closer to him, " _-there's no stopping me!_ " She tilted her head backwards, pumping her fist into the air and when she looked back at Tony he was grinning from ear to ear.

    _Two hundred degrees, that's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit!_

   Val smiled back at him, singing further, " _I'm travelling by the speed of light..._ " then pointing at him, " _I wanna make a supersonic man out of you._ "

   Tony looked at her, shaking his head. But the smile on his lips still remained intact, while his eyes sparkled with happiness. She was willing to make a fool out of herself like this, just for that smile on Tony's face.

   She danced around, continuously singing into the screwdriver and dramatically spinning to look at Tony over her shoulder. She stomped her feet against the ground, dragging his office chair backwards as she sang, " _If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call!_ " She grabbed his hand, pulling him on his feet.

   For a few moments he just stood there, watching her circle behind him as she tried her best to ' _dance_ '. In reality all she did was hysterically move her hand all over while her knees touched higher and higher in the air as she marched around. Though, after a few moments, the genius finally gave in and began dancing around as well.

  Valerie was now smiling just as hard as him, throwing an arm around his shoulders as she put the pretend microphone between them so they could sing together. He then took her hand and twirled her around. After that she stepped on his office chair and climbed on top of the work desk, caring very little about all the stuff on it.

  Her heart was pounding from the excitement now, the thrill of the upbeat Queen music making her happier than ever. Which was apparently what Tony felt as well, because he was quick to get onto the table and dance next to her. 

   She was glad he looked carefree for just a moment, having the time of his life, it seemed. They jumped and screamed the lyrics, their voices immediately drowned by the loud song playing over the speakers. 

   Yet, before the song reached it's ending, the music cut out suddenly and a brief silence followed up. Valerie tried to catch her breath, furrowing her eyebrows. She looked at Tony who opened his arms in disbelief, glaring at the ceiling.

  But before either of them could speak, JARVIS beat them to it.

   " _Excuse me, sir_ ," the robot spoke, " _Ms Potts has just arrived and is waiting for you in the penthouse._ "

   Valerie raised her eyebrows, surprised by this. She hadn't talked to or seen Pepper since the STARK Expo incident and Tony didn't mention that she was supposed to come by. Perhaps because he forgot.

   "Shit," he jumped off the table. He ran his hand through his already messy hair, extremely concerned about the current change of events. He spun frantically around, searching for nothing in particular.

   Valerie sat down onto the desk, "Why are you surprised that Pepper came?"

   Stark's head snapped in her direction, as if he had forgotten she was there. "Uh," searching for words, he waved his hands around, "she wasn't supposed to come here, that's why. And- frankly- I thought she was going to Japan for a business meeting."

   "Wow," Valerie gasped, "She's doing business for you? Wasn't she supposed to be CEO only temporarily?" She quirked her eyebrow at Tony, who only sighed and waved a dismissive hand at her.

  "She's doing it better than I would've," he answered. Though the way he refused to look at her gave her a sense that he wasn't telling the whole truth. This was also the first time they talked about Pepper in a while, he seemed to avoid mentioning her at any cost. And Valerie could only imagine why.

  "I thought you'd want to take back your company after Obadiah Stane died?" she got off the table, watching him make his way over to the exit, nervously cracking his knuckles as he paced quickly.

  But when he got to the door he spun around, a frown on his face, "That's my decision to make, thank you very much." Valerie wanted to explain that she didn't mean to make him take over as the CEO. But before she could speak, he stopped her, "Besides, don't you have anything else to do? Like- I don't know- flirt with Rogers?"

  She felt her face flush red. "Shut up, Stark."

  He smirked at her, winking quickly as he grabbed the handle of the glass door. "See you later, Val."

  She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest as he went out. And while he did, Bruce Banner passed him in the doorway. Stark gave Bruce a pat on the shoulder as he muttered, "Hey Brucie," and disappeared into the hallway.

  "Why's he leaving all of a sudden?" Bruce frowned in Valerie's direction, pointing behind his back with his thumb. The scientist looked like he had something to talk to Tony about, his displeasure with the situation evident on his face.

  Valerie huffed through her nose lightly, "Pepper came to visit. He didn't expect it so..." she shrugged. If she was fair, she wanted to see Pepper too, but she didn't know how the woman will react to her abandoning Tony like she did. She had no clue where she stood when it came to Virginia Potts. The only thing she knew was that she could in no way compare to the redhead, she was way more classier and way more poised than Valerie was.

  "He's in trouble, huh?" Banner raised his eyebrows and Valerie shrugged again, giving him no real answer. Not that she had it anyway. "So what are you up to?" the gray haired man questioned further.

  "Nothing, really," she sighed, looking around and then back at Banner, "You?"

  "I was going to talk to Tony about something, but that has to wait, I guess," he diverted his gaze away from her face and down at the ground. A short, awkward silence followed, after what he gathered the courage to speak again, "Can I ask you something?"

  She nodded, "Shoot."

  "Why did you leave so suddenly after the Chitauri invasion?" he frowned, coming closer to her. He looked genuinely interested, folding his arms together and viewing her with a question in his eyes.

  Valerie didn't know what to tell him. What was she  _allowed_  to tell him? From one side she had Tony to worry about, he doesn't deserve her talking bad about him behind his back, and on the other side she had SHIELD and their many secrets. Everything seemed like classified information, and, even though they were getting pretty close, she didn't know Bruce well enough to talk about everything openly.

  "Well..." she started, sitting down on the office chair she was originally seated on, "I had to sort through some things. I wasn't feeling good and I had to leave to see a professional."

  "I guess that's reasonable," Bruce said, sitting on Tony's office chair.

  "Yeah, I went to DC to see my old therapist. It took me three months to make any improvement, but then I managed to screw things up so I had to leave."

  "What happened?"

  Valerie laughed, even though it wasn't funny. But it was terribly comical to her. "I slept with her."

  "You slept with your therapist?" the man in front of her sounded like somebody punched the air out of his lungs. His eyes were wide and she almost regretted telling him. But she was aware that Bruce was only shocked, he didn't judge her.

  "Yeah," Valerie rolled her eyes, "I asked her out for a dinner, as 'colleagues'," she motioned the quotation marks with her fingers, "We got terribly drunk and she started flirting with me, so I started flirting back and then- boom- I wake up in her bed the next day."

  Bruce leaned back in his seat, putting a hand over his mouth, "Wow." It was all he could say. He stared at her, dumbfounded.

  "After that I just had to leave because I made a big, big mess. And after that there was no way I could be her patient. I swear to God, I was so stupid for doing that and not saying anything to her. It was insane. But she didn't contact me afterwards, so, I don't know?"

  Bruce made a grimace, "No offense, but that was a jerk move," he commented, not holding back on the honesty.

  "None taken," Valerie sighed, shaking her head, "I guess I was just scared to actually see it through, because I didn't  _really_  want anything to come out of it. I'm so terrible with women it's insane." She laughed at herself, putting her hands on her cheeks in an attempt to hide her blush.

  Bruce smiled at her with empathy, "Don't worry, you're not the only one," he chuckled and Valerie smiled back at him.

  "I'm sure you're not  _my_  type of bad, Bruce. I have an unavoidable tendency to make the worst possible decisions and to fall for the worst choice of people. It's just in my nature."

  "You'll find somebody good for you, sooner or later, Val, trust me," he told her as he wheeled closer to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. He seemed like a good and caring friend, which Valerie wasn't used to. His eyes were kind, even though there was always a sense of sadness behind them. And his voice was always soothing and warm. Overall, she felt safe being open with Bruce. However ironic that might seem.

  "Thanks, Bruce," she smiled at him warmly, watching him lean back into his seat, "By the way, do you want to get something to eat?" Valerie suggested.

  "I thought you'd never ask," he chuckled, "I'm _starving._ "


	9. 8 | THOUGHTS

   Valerie closed her eyes again, squeezing them shut, like that would help her fall asleep. She was laying there for what was maybe two hours, but she wasn't sure. She tried to avoid looking at the clock and focus on trying to sleep. As if she could, after the conversation she had with Bruce earlier that day.

  The two of them had lunch together and she was enjoying it, but there were times when she had to hold back not to tell him too much. There was no way she could talk about the feelings she used to have for Tony, unless she wanted Steve to find out. Which she didn't. And even though she wanted to tell Bruce about it, she still didn't trust him _that_ much.

  Then there was SHIELD and all of the clearance 'Level 9' information. The TAHITI project was a success, but she knew nothing about the aftermath. Fury didn't want to involve her any longer than she was needed, because if someone has the opportunity to pull themselves out of that kind of mess, they should. And in this case that was Valerie.

  _The Board is far up my ass now,_  Nick told her then, _but they've offered to let you loose if you swear to forget everything that had to do with this._

  She was fighting with all forces to refuse and stay with him. Feeling guilty as she did, she couldn't just leave him alone to deal with the mess they had created together.  _I can't just forget,_ she tried to convince him _, The responsibility has to be split up._

  But he wouldn't budge. He wouldn't let her stay. Saying it was because he couldn't let her waste her time and energy on something that could never come to a pleasant ending. It was far too much risk to be on the Board's shitlist, he didn't want to allow her to gain a reputation like that. The things that she already had in her resume were shocking enough _,_ and she didn't need to add anything new to it.

  Yet, she still saw it like an easy way out. One that she didn't want. But then Fury threatened to let the Board ' _tear her like wolves_ ', in those exact words. At that point she felt obligated to leave. Who in their right mind wouldn't? Then again, she probably wasn't in her right mind back then.

  After all, she watched her colleague die and all she could do was apologize for punching him in the face. She watched Coulson bleed out to death and she never even processed it good enough. That will certainly come back to bite in the ass later, she concluded. Bottling up that kind of trauma was never a good thing, though at this time she wasn't willing to reopen that wound. It can wait for a bit longer.

  Valerie sat up in her bed, looking around and then leaning her head against the wall. She puffed out an irritated breath.

  There was no chance she was going to sleep any time soon.

  So she swung her legs off the bed, sliding her feet into her fluffy slippers and fully standing up. She wasn't sleepy, even though the clock on her nightstand showed that it was already half past midnight. 

  Making her way out of her apartment, she grabbed her jacket and a pack of cigarettes from the coffee table downstairs. She strolled out into the dark hallway, looking around if anybody was there to see her. Then, when she was convinced that she won't be disturbed, she crossed the corridor and went out onto the balcony.

  Just as she stepped outside, the chilly air swarmed her bare legs and she felt a shiver rush down her spine. It was November, but not once did she think about the freezing temperature. She zipped up her red puffy jacket, huddling her neck between her shoulders to provide herself more warmth.

  She pulled one cigarette out of the pack while simultaneously pulling out the lighter out of her pocket. Putting it between her lips, she lit it by shielding the flame from the wind with her hand. She pulled in the smoke and breathed it out a moment later.

  From where she stood, on a balcony tucked into the Avengers Tower, shielded from anybody else's view, Valerie could see the vast expanse of New York City spreading in front of her. It was, as usually, illuminated by the lights of skyscrapers and streetlamps. The common sound of the busy streets, the buzz of cars and pedestrians, was barely audible from this height.

   She knew that she was only a few floors below Tony's penthouse, or ex-penthouse. It was now a common room for all the Avengers. Complete with a cinema, gym and a pool. Tony's lab was also still up there and she can imagine that a small space will also be sectioned out for Bruce's lab.

  Even though it was for the whole team, Valerie rarely went up to the few top stories of the tower. Probably because she didn't feel like a part of the team. Yet. Or maybe she wasn't even supposed to. After all, she bailed on them right after they went through an alien invasion. The only ones she was certain didn't hate her were Bruce and Steve. 

  Bruce because he confirmed it a few times, telling her that she didn't have to feel like he held her absence against her. She needed time to heal, which he understood. And Steve because she believed he was too nice to hate her. Or he was too naive. Perhaps her leaving because of Tony was the only real reason that he accepted. He probably didn't see the bigger picture.

   And then there were Clint and Natasha. She didn't speak to Natasha more than four times since she arrived, a little more with Clint, but the archer still seemed like he directed some silent judgement towards her. And Valerie didn't know him well enough to figure what was going on in his head, but she could only assume that it was in some way connected to Natasha. 

   The Black Widow was behaving strangely, now that she thinks about it. Nat had been avoiding her just like Tony. She would look the other way when Valerie entered the room, she would make up excuses to leave whenever Valerie tried to join the conversation and she always looked way too serious. Yes, Val was aware that Natasha was usually serious, but she was also sassy, flirty. And those traits of hers were nowhere to be found in the time Valerie has been there.

  Though, Valerie couldn't blame them. None of them, really. The only person responsible for her erratic and rash behavior was her own self. She was the one who left without a word and destroyed her cellphone, hoping that nobody would look for her. The one who thought only about herself as she turned her back on Tony who had just experienced one of the worst traumas of his life, the one who called Steve only two times to see if everybody was alive. The one who ran away from responsibility after helping bring her ex colleague back to life by overseeing an ethically questionable procedure.

  All of it was her own doing, she was the only one who could be blamed for it. And she was willing to accept the blame. 

  But then again, wasn't this the exact reason why she had to go to therapy? Her way of thinking? 

  And the therapy helped, a reasonable amount. But if she wasn't such an idiot to sleep with her therapist, maybe she would've gone further. Maybe she wouldn't have to blame herself for everything, maybe she would understand that it was about time that she left.

   Her head hurt now. The cigarette between her fingers was already burnt out completely. She threw it over the edge of the balcony and took another one, lighting it on fire and immediately pulling the smoke into her lungs.

   She wondered what Schwan did after she woke up to an empty bed and a note on her nightstand, written in shaky lettering. Valerie could only remember how hard she had to focus to come up with what to write, the hangover from all the wine made both her eyes and head hurt. She barely came up with a sentence that made her more and more guilty as time went on.

 

> _Sorry I had to leave, can't be late for work. :(_  
> 
>     _-Valerie_
> 
>  

But she didn't show up for her appointment the next Friday. Nor the one after. Nor did she call Schwan to explain herself. Though, Elizabeth didn't call her either. Perhaps it was just a silent mutual agreement that what happened- happened, there was no going back. Elizabeth must've realized that her and Valerie didn't have a future together, that she would only waste time running after her.

 

  At least that was what Valerie liked to believe.

 

  The black haired woman stood there in the cold for a few more moments. Her mind had shut off and all she now did was silently watch over Midtown Manhattan and its blinding lights. She didn't have the energy to think about anything anymore.

 

  As she felt even colder, Val quickly put out the half burnt cigarette between her fingers and threw it away. She could feel herself getting ill right then, but she supposed that's what she gets for her own stupidity.

 

  Valerie rushed back inside, looking around the pitch black hallway, narrowing her eyes in an attempt to see something. And when she did see the person standing not even an inch away from her, her heart almost stopped. "Jesus fucking Christ, Anthony," she doubled over, resting her hands on her ice cold knees as she tried to calm herself down. Her heart rate was now as fast as rabbits and she felt like she was going to hyperventilate.

  
  "I'm sorry," Tony said with a scrappy voice, "What are you doing up this late?" He looked towards the balcony as Valerie straightened herself.

  "Nothing, I couldn't sleep," she muttered, taking in a deep breath, "Did you have another night terror?" she asked him directly, waiting for an answer.

  Iron Man refused to look at her face, instead staring at his feet. And she could barely see his face in the dark, but she could guess that he looked like a ghost. As a response he nodded once, not daring to lift his gaze.

  "Alright," she huffed, "Let's go inside."

  The two of them strolled back into her room, Tony was still staring at the floor as they climbed the stairs and then she had enough. She put a hand on his shoulder, telling him to look at her. "Yeah?" he had a hard time focusing on her face, his eyes darting all around.

  "What's happening, Tony?" she whispered, "This isn't a night terror, this is something else. And you can't tell me it's not, because I know."

  He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he could finally look at her face. "Pepper and I had a little disagreement, that's all. And I couldn't sleep. Thought you could help." He looked towards her bed.

  She smiled at him, "Yeah, I can, I guess," she replied, "Let's sleep now, we'll talk more in the morning, okay?" Even though she wanted to help right that second, she felt like she was going to pass out at any given moment. For all that she couldn't sleep, she was very, _very_ tired now.

   "Sure," he nodded and went over to crash on the bed, and so did Valerie. Just as she settled in closer to him, Tony cried out, "Oh my God, Valerie, you're freezing." He reached under the bed covers and touched her leg, only to feel that it was almost as cold as ice.

   "Shut up and help me warm up then," she grumbled and pulled him closer, intertwining her legs with his as he wrapped his arms around her torso and squeezed her tight to his chest. "I swear to god, this is the last time you're the big spoon."

  "Yeah, I know," he laughed, "Let me enjoy it while I can."

   Valerie didn't say anything else, only sighed and closed her eyes, feeling her consciousness fade away.


	10. 9 | DINNER DATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally managed to spit out this chapter. and i'm really sorry because it's so BAD, but i really had to write it and move on because it's just never gonna get done oof.
> 
> enjoy my terrible writing :))

 Valerie glared at Tony as he poured himself another cup of coffee. It was his third. But only since they came downstairs from her room. Who knows how many he drank before that. "You know, you're going to have a heart attack from that much coffee," she warned, but then she proceeded to take a huge gulp of her own caffeinated drink.

"I'm not," he denied, "I'm immune to it at this point. I've got a high tolerance for caffeine." The brown-haired man took a large gulp out of his gray, STARK Industries cup that looked like it had more than half a litre of liquid. "And don't change the topic now. We were talking about Rogers, I'm not just going to let it slip."

It was _her_ turn to roll her eyes, "I really don't want to talk about him right now. It's not that I don't like him anymore, I just feel like I'm overdramatizing the situation. I'm a grown up and I know that what's meant to happen will happen. Eventually."

"Wow," Tony couldn't help but smile, yet Valerie could sense a tinge of mockery in it, "I have never heard you say something so mature, you know." He took a sip of his coffee, still keeping eye contact with her over the edge of his cup.

She shook her head. "I'm not surprised since you mostly ignore everything that's even remotely mature," she told him, shrugging slightly, "But I guess that's kinda what makes you Tony Stark. You should trademark the word immature."

Tony dragged in a long breath through his nose, taking in the smell of his coffee. He thought for a moment, then proceeded to answer, "It's not really immature. More like 'not serious'. There's a difference."

"Don't see it." Valerie shrugged, but when Tony opened his mouth to explain, she raised a hand to shut him up, "I get it, Tony. I was just joking, anyway." She gave him a meaningless smile and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

After a few minutes she wasn't even paying attention to him, giving him a free pass to recollect his thoughts. He was just standing there now, staring at her with a sense of confusion that followed him around for a while already. Had he fallen for Valerie? He couldn't say it like that, no. This wasn't that type of love. It was more of a bitter feeling in his chest that drove him crazy. The type of feeling that made him be strange and distant towards the people that cared about him.

But then again, she wasn't suspecting anything. How long could he go on like this without anybody knowing? Everybody from the team was clueless, save for Natasha, who would occasionally direct a judging glare towards him, as if saying 'get yourself together'. _How could he, though?_ Valerie was constantly letting him be close to her and he wasn't able to distance himself. His night terrors were long gone, but he still didn't have enough bravery to stop inviting himself to her room at night just so she could hug him and tell him it'd be better. When in reality- it was already great. Though only because of _her_. And there was the possibility that the nightmares would return should he stop getting this self-medicated treatment.

A good example would be the present, too. They had just walked into the kitchen after spending most of the time since Valerie came home from work up in her apartment. Watching movies, eating stale popcorn from last night and laughing about things that aren't actually funny. Perhaps Tony was head over heels right now, but since Valerie kept suggesting they hang out made him think- 

_Does she really not feel the same anymore? Is there even the slightest chance-_

His thoughts were cut out when none other than Steve Rogers walked into the room. He had a big, bright smile on and wore one of his three very similar brown leather jackets. A pair of dark jeans and a simple white shirt. "Hey, Stark," he nodded towards Tony, who only managed to return with the same action. "Hey Val," Rogers practically purred as he strode up next to Valerie and gave her a quick, one-arm hug.

_Val?_

Tony felt sick to the stomach.

"Steve?" she put away her phone on the kitchen counter, "I thought you had some business to do?" She quirked an eyebrow at the super-soldier, making him chuckle under her pointed stare.

"I finished all that I had to do," Rogers replied in defense, smirking at her. He looked so desperate, yet unskilled from Tony's point of view. Cute but not what he expected Valerie to be attracted to. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner with me?"

"Right now?" she considered, "Why not? I've got nothing planned anyway." She stared at her blonde Prince Charming for a moment longer, before she remembered that her best friend existed and turned to him. "Uh, Tony you don't mind?" she asked awkwardly, her gaze travelling back to Steve for a split second.

"Not at all," Tony flashed her his trademark Stark smile, pretending that he was completely fine. That was enough for the two lovebirds, apparently.

"Great," Valerie addressed Steve once again, "Then we're all set."

Not even half an hour later, she came back to the common dining area with her head high and spirits even higher. She changed into a gorgeous, night blue velvet dress with a pair of stilettos of the matching color on her feet. Her steps seemed unambitious, though, as it was difficult for her to walk in the high, thin heels. But those also made her legs look longer, just as much. Tony's eyes trailed up her prominent thighs that were only half covered by the fabric, up along her hips to her waistline. The dark velvet stuck to all curves of her body, keeping his eyes glued to it. Low cut of the dress displayed a considerable amount of cleavage, the sight punching air out of Stark's lungs.

 "So how do I look?" she questioned once she was right in front of him. He could say nothing. Only smiled widely and nodded a few times in fear of his voice betraying him. "I forgot my phone, just came back to grab it."

She walked over to the kitchen counter in front of him, taking the small device. Her back was facing him and he looked at the ceiling before his gaze wandered somewhere else. _Control, Anthony. Control yourself._

"I'm not sure when we'll be back," she told him suddenly, spinning around to face him, "Will you be fine for the night? Call Bruce if you need anything, alright? And if the night terrors return, just remember- breathe and take your time."

She talked at him, but all he could notice was that she was wearing winged eyeliner and mascara and _lipstick- God,_ he wished she wore lipstick more often.

"Tony?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah-" he stuttered, clearing his throat, "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me and go have fun with Rogers, okay?" He gave her a wink just to see her blush.

She rolled her eyes and slapped his arm, shyly avoiding his gaze. It was like high school sweethearts with her and Captain. All of that was cute, but Tony hated it wholeheartedly.

Valerie told him a small bye decorated with a smile and then went towards the door. He stared at her back, feeling helpless as he watched her hips sway slightly as she walked. It was truly a sight for sore eyes.

Truth be told, he couldn't remember the last time he saw Valerie dressed like this. She usually wore old, worn out shirts and shorts around the tower, or just over-sized sweatpants. When she went out she wore jeans and shirts that were only slightly newer than the ones she wore at home. Her footwear consisted mostly of sneakers. But that was obviously not the only clothing she possessed, because this was entirely different and well- new.

 That picture of her didn't leave him for hours. Not even then. As he sat in his apartment, a glass of Scotch sitting promptly on the coffee table in front of him. He stared at it, feeling the soft, black-colored leather of the chair he was sitting on under his fingertips. It was as if he was an elderly, sophisticated gentleman that had way too many glasses of liquor in his time to be affected by it.

 But he _wasn't_ sophisticated. In some occasions he may appear so, though in reality he was utterly lost. A middle aged man that felt for the wrong woman. What was happening to him? Why wasn't he able to control himself? He was an adult- and yet he felt like a clueless child.

 The only way he knew out of this was to get wasted, yet again, as he sunk deeper in shame and doubt. The two emotions he couldn't shake off for the past couple of weeks. At this point he didn't pity himself, he was mad because he couldn't change the way he feels. 

Just as he was about to reach for the glass of liquor that called him, somebody else called him on his cellphone. He rushed to grab it from his pocket. It was as if the ring went off just to save him, but he should've thought twice about that. When he read the caller ID it said _Pepper_. Taking a breath with his eyes closed, he answered reluctantly. "Pepper, _hey_ \--"

" _Where are you, Tony?_ " the woman of his dreams cut him off. " _It's Tuesday._ " She was brief and stern, just as Tony feared her the most.

"S-So..?" he tried to muster anything to say, but he simply couldn't. Was it because he knew that he screwed up big time? _Absolutely_.

" _ **So?**_ " Pepper's voice cracked from shock. There was a silence on the other end, probably because she was trying to recollect her thoughts. " _Tony-_ " she sighed, " _You said you'd be back in Malibu by Tuesday. And Tuesday is today. Do you know how many meetings I had to cancel today because you didn't show up?_ " 

Oh, yeah. He was in deep with it this time around. 

"I'm so sorry, Pepper, I really am," he tried to make himself sound even more miserable than he already was, "It's just-- something came up." 

" _What?_ " she snapped, " _What could possibly come up so important that you forget_ _ **five**_ _meetings, out of which_ _ **three**_ _are with many very influential people? You almost cost us a marketing deal._ " He could hear her muttering something to somebody on the other side, slightly muffled, but the irritation still obvious.

 "I'm really sorry," he had no excuse, "I just had a lot on my mind- I completely forgot."

There was silence on Pepper's part. 

 " _I don't know you anymore, Tony,_ " he felt the disappointment and disapproval in her voice strike him like daggers, " _You know- I thought you could change. I really did. But it seems that you will always be the same drunk man, making the same old excuses, who cares about himself and nobody else._ "

  With that, she hung up.

  Tony sat there for a few moments, the hand that held the phone dropping down from his ear. He couldn't think. Yes, he was ignorant. He was selfish. And he was losing Pepper. The only woman that knew how to _actually_ fix him when he was apart. Why was he so stupid to allow himself to be an _stupid idiot_?

 Reaching over to grab the glass of Red Label- he threw it across the room.


	11. 10 | IN RETROSPECTIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i feel like this chapter is pretty good? i'm not sure.
> 
> i saw endgame, tho... :// and cried like a thousand times but it's fine lmfao

  Valerie ate her lunch in silence. 

  Everybody else was quiet as well.

  A Sunday lunch in the Avengers Tower never seemed to be more quiet than this one. The events from past few days... Let's just say they shifted the whole team's atmosphere. And it was bad enough that Valerie was the center of all those events, but now she had to endure the torture in form of everybody pretending it was fine while they were all well aware that it wasn't.

  She could feel Bruce's gaze probing at her in an attempt to gain her attention and make her start conversation in order to clear things up. Contrary to that, she was stoic in her state of ignorance. She wasn't about to make the situation even more uncomfortable than it already was.

  Steve was trying to be calm, but the way his hand was slightly shaking as it held a fork made it transparent that he wasn't. Valerie could sense that he wasn't scared, just anxious, even though he sat all the way on the opposite end of the table. Natasha was eating her soup with a murderous expression and Clint, who was sitting right next to her, was glancing at her every few moments as he feared he would have to contain whatever outburst was to come.

  Valerie couldn't blame any of them, though.

  In retrospective, after her and Steve had dinner on Tuesday, things started going downhill. Until everything culminated this morning, when Tony packed his things and disappeared. Well, he didn't exactly disappear. But he went to Malibu, according to Happy, and wasn't returning any of her calls or voicemails.

  The first thing that happened though, after the dinner, was an encounter with Natasha. She remembers this crystal clear, because- well, who wouldn't? A love confession from world's most notorious female assassin isn't something to forget. Especially when that assassin is your ex fellow agent, a part of the Avengers and one of your best friends.

   _"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Valerie remembers Natasha saying when she walked into the gym to practice some punches with all the time she had to spare. The redhead looked combat ready, even in their own gym, with her hair tied up in a ponytail and black slim yoga pants that stuck to her legs in all the right places. She was wearing a blood red tank-top and a pair of gloves on her fists._

_Valerie smiled involuntarily, coming closer to where Nat stood besides the punching bag. "I had a dinner date last night and came home late." She motioned for the redhead to give her the  gloves, which she obliged to. Now Valerie was the one hitting the sandbag while Natasha held it in place._

_"Did you have fun?" her friend questioned with obvious curiosity in her voice._

_"Well," she punched the bag twice with both fists, "That's hard to say."_

_"Why?" Natasha continued asking as she peeked out from around the punching bag. One of her perfectly plucked brows was raised, while her eyes were begging for answers._

_"It wasn't boring, it was just..." Valerie paused, "Awkward."_

_Natasha smirked, slightly huffing through her nose. "It tends to get like that with Rogers, doesn't it. He's always so confused."_

_"I know," Valerie shook her head and proceeded to punch the bag as she talked, "But I think that he's more unsure of himself than he's confused. He woke up after more than half a century with everybody telling him that the war is over but that we should now fear aliens. I wouldn't be so fearless either. I don't even know if I should initiate anything."_

_Her friend's smirk disappeared, her piercing eyes glistening with a strange sense of determination. "But you really want to, huh?" she hid again behind the punching bag, her voice flattened and empty._

_"Yeah," Valerie smiled to herself, completely oblivious as to how Natasha actually might've felt like. Although everything would become much clearer in a few moments. Absolutely everything that concerned Natasha since she came back to New York._

_A pause followed next, the only sound echoing throughout the whole gym were Valerie's dull punches. Until Nat decided to speak up again. "Although," she started, "If you're so unsure of it yourself , then maybe you really shouldn't  initiate anything. If you think that Rogers is not ready..."_

_Valerie laughed, "Aren't you supposed to encourage me in my decision to move on from Tony with another person? I mean, aren't we talking character growth here. I'm finally choosing the right guy, don't you think?" She kept punching, but her friend wasn't replying. After moments have passed, she looked around the bag with raised eyebrows._

_The woman she was looking at had a vacant stare in her eyes, but that stare was still directed towards her. The redhead looked somehow devastated, but motivated at the same time. That caught Valerie off guard, especially when Natasha decided to come completely clean._

_"Maybe you don't have to choose a guy."_

_The two of them stared at each other._

_"What?" Valerie's voice quivered, her rib cage threatening to shatter under the force of her hammering heart._

After that everything was a blur. Though, she could still remember the feeling of her gut twisting and her head spinning simultaneously. The way her mind felt empty when she tried to find the right words to say and the panic she felt when Natasha left, leaving her completely shocked to process what happened. 

  Even if the assassin said something, she couldn't remember. She had gone over the whole event multiple times during the past few days, but nothing seemed as possible as the fact that Natasha was indeed still hung up on what happened between them. And they haven't spoken since, mainly because Valerie still didn't know what she would say.

   _Oh, you know, I didn't know you felt like this. Maybe we could've been something more but now I'm in love with this hundred year old guy that just so happens to be the best man I've ever met so... I guess there's nothing we can do about it now._

That would've just been embarrassing. But then again- she seemed to know only embarrassing these days.

  She took another bite of cooked chicken off her plate along with a piece of carrot. The food seemed tasteless with everything she had on her mind. It was as if she lost all her senses, the only thing she was able to feel being the abnormal level of anxiety. 

  And now she must've been staring at Steve for a really long time because he glanced up at her, his gaze immediately falling back to his plate. He was stiff, unnecessarily gripping his fork with too much force. If he didn't loosen his fingers it would've easily broken under the pressure. 

  Once again- it was her fault. She was the one who, simply put, acted like a little bitch two days ago. The two of them were supposed to watch movies like always, but then everything escalated. Escalated meaning they  _kissed_. And  _surprisingly_ \- she wasn't ready. 

   _The movie was just about to end, when Valerie felt Steve shifting in his seat. She glanced over to him to see what was going on, but  then Steve looked back at her. And the two of them stared at each other. Then Valerie grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Because if that wasn't the moment to do something, then when was? He was surprised, she could feel it, but kissed back quickly nonetheless._

_Her heartbeat sped up abnormally, but she also felt his heart beating wildly when he pulled her closer to him. She pulled back for a short moment, looking him in the eyes as both of them caught their breath. But the pause didn't last for too long, Steve kissed her again while he hugged her waist._

_She took the opportunity to sit on his lap, throwing the blanket that was draped over them away. Their chests were now completely pressed together and she could now clearly feel how quickly Steve's heart was beating. Hers was too, but she felt less- exhilarated. But not for long, because Steve's hand wandered over her thighs and rested on her hips very briefly before traveling upwards to pull her over sized T-shirt out of her cotton shorts._

_Her heart felt like it seized up. She'd never done something like that. And with the way things were going-_

_Valerie jumped away from Steve. It was unconscious. She stumbled back and almost fell over the coffee table._

_"I-I'm so sorry-" Steve stuttered hysterically, "Did I do something? Did I hurt you? Are you okay?" His eyes were wide and utterly terrified as he tried to search for any sign that would tell him what just happened._

  After that she realized she had a panic attack, but when she calmed down and was once again aware of her surrounding, Steve was already gone. She knew she was the one who told him to leave, but it was as if somebody else requested that and not her. She was completely out of it in that moment, not realizing the consequence. Yet, what could she do? She wasn't in control, therefore it shouldn't be her fault. Panic attacks are a bitch.

Although, she still felt a tinge of guilt for leaving Steve so shaken up after that.

  Now, Bruce was also staring at him with concern. Banner was the only one who really had no clue what happened in the past few days. Which was good because Valerie wasn't sure if he'd hulk out when she told him. It was too many mixed emotions and she couldn't risk an outburst on his behalf. Which bummed her out too because they became closer since she came to live with them. Not  _Tony Stark_  close, but close enough.

  Speaking of Tony Stark, she had no clue why he was ignoring her.  _Again_. The two of them were on speaking terms yesterday, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. They spent the whole afternoon together and Valerie even found the courage to tell him what happened with Steve.

   _"What do you mean 'you_ _panicked'_ _?" Tony made quotation marks with his fingers as he_ _said_ _that, raising his_ _eyebrows_ _at her._

_"I mean exactly what I said," she rolled her eyes as she sat down on the chair that was stationed next to his lab table. She_ _couldn't_ _decipher the look that settled on his face as he turned back to his work, a mixture of disappointment and ridicule in his features. "Look, Tony, Steve kissed me and tried_ _to_ _take off my shirt. Then_ _I_ _had a panic attack."_

_An_ _uncomfortable_ _silence followed._

_"Why?" he_ _questioned_ _, staring at her with concern. It_ _wasn't_ _really concern, it was more generous curiosity, if something like that exists. He looked genuinely clueless, which intimidated Valerie in a sense._

_"Because_ _I never  actually went that far with a man_ _," she looked away from his face, but a second too late because she witnessed the pure shock on his face as she finished saying it. She waited for him to say something, but when she realized that he was frozen, she sighed and continued speaking, "It wasn't supposed to be a big deal, but I guess that my subconsciousness thinks otherwise."_

_Tony's mouth opened and closed a few times. But when he snapped out of it, he began speaking in a rapid manner, "It isn't a big deal. I mean, you never had sex with a man, that's not anything to be ashamed of. Right?" he paused, but started blabbering once again when a small frown showed up on his best friend's face, "I-I mean, of course it isn't. For all we know Rogers is a virgin too, you don't have to be upset."_

_Valerie scowled at him, "I'm not a virgin." She crossed both her legs and arms, deeply disappointed. "I've slept with women. You don't have to lose your virginity to opposite sex, contrary to popular belief."_

_Stark was dumbfounded. And his face was completely drained of color, his jaw clenched uncomfortably. "I never said that you had to. It's completely fine either way. But I'm just saying that everything will be fine, you don't have to worry about it."_

_"Just say what you're thinking, Tony," Valerie laughed at how stiff and uncomfortable he was, "I know how heterosexual sex works."_

_He toyed with a screwdriver that he just picked up, avoiding to look at her. "Yeah, great," he cleared his throat, glancing in her direction for only for a second, "Anyway, you have any plans for next week?"_

After that they didn't talk about anything significant. Not even that conversation was particularly significant, at least Valerie hoped so. She didn't want to consider the possibility that things progressing with Steve affected her and Tony's relationship. Why would it? 

  She took the last piece of chicken off her plate and put it in her mouth. The silence was still as uncomfortable as it was when they started eating, which means that the unpleasant atmosphere won't go away that easily. Valerie glanced around the table, finding everybody's attention intensely held by whatever they had on their plates.

  Maybe she'll learn how to keep herself out of situations like these one day.


	12. 11 | GYM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so weird,, but it actually turned out better than i expected??? anyway, enjoy this mess!

   Days rolled one after the other, soon lining up to make almost a whole week. Six days, actually. Six days since she talked to Tony, Steve or Natasha. The only person she talked to was Bruce, and that she did rarely. 

  She tried calling Stark each day, leaving him lengthy voicemails in which she apologized for whatever it is she's done and begged him to call her back. Until yesterday, when she had enough and decided that she will let it go. If he wanted to talk to her, he would. She wasn't going to fall victim of his self centered ways again, for all she knew it was probably just the matter of his pompous personality and nothing more. Not her fault.

  On the other side, the situation with Steve was still where it was six day ago. Awkward and quiet. The two of them haven't spoken a word since last Sunday, which was ridiculous at this point. Yet, Valerie couldn't help it. She was determined in avoiding Captain America as if her life depended on it. Again,  _ridiculous_.

  And now it was a late Saturday afternoon, but all she did that day was stumble around her apartment without anything to do but hide from the rest of her team mates. She watched a few movies, read a little, cooked herself lunch and then ate it, drank coffee and she had nothing left. Absolutely nothing to spend her time on.

  Her mind was in desperate need of a distraction. If she didn't soon find something,  _anything_ , to occupy her, only the universe knows where her thoughts might wander. Then an idea came to her. She hadn't been down to the gym in a while. There was no second thought about it, she was already out of her sweatpants and in her gym clothes with a towel swung over her shoulder. Grabbing her phone, earphones and a bottle of water, she was headed out of her room.

  When she came down to the gym, excited about the fact that she was going to do something useful, she completely missed the person that was already there. "Hey," she heard a voice say, startling her as she looked around for its owner. She saw him sitting on one of the weight benches, completely drained of energy. He grabbed his water bottle from beside the bench and chugged down more than half of it before putting it down.

  He looked amazing even when he did something as simple as drinking water. Valerie knew it wasn't in normal conditions, like when he wasn't dressed in a pair of gym shorts, that seemed a little too tight by the way, with his white shirt sticking to his muscles. His hair was messy, and it made her realize now that he had a haircut. It was shorter, but suited him much, much more. 

  Like Steve Rogers couldn't look good with a rag over his head.

  Valerie fumbled around the towel in her hands, "Hey." She could barely speak a word to him without feeling the embarrassment from a week ago. Since last Sunday, they'd avoid each other in the hallways or ignore each other's glances at dinner. At least pretended to. Valerie couldn't take her eyes off of Steve once he wasn't looking at her. And when he did look at her she could feel it. Every second of it. Was it because of her powers? Or just basic human attraction?

  This surprise could only be a bad thing, from this point on.

  "How are you?" he proceeded to ask, without a single drop of obvious nervousness, which intimidated Valerie a bit. She wasn't sure how to deal with that side of Steve Rogers, if there was one. He seemed like he didn't doubt himself for a second, not like the Steve Rogers she got to know. Was a person even able to change completely in less than a week? Perhaps Valerie was only starting to get to know him.

  "Great," she nodded, slightly huffing out her nose, clearing her throat and forcing herself to look away from him, "It's a nice day outside, so, you know... Thought I'd be productive and come up to the gym for a bit." She motioned her free hand onto the large panels of windows on the west wall of the gym. The sun was about to start setting and the sky was gaining a peachy orange colour which became stronger by the minute.

  "My thoughts exactly," Steve chuckled, his head depressing between his shoulders as she turned around. Her thoughts sharpened in an instant. He may be pretty, but mocking her wasn't allowed despite that. 

  "Well, were you finishing up or?" she raised her eyebrows at the super-soldier, watching him stand up and look down at her. She kept her posture, her head high. She eyed him directly, not showing hesitancy, even though her heart was about to shatter her rib cage at any given moment. But given that this encounter was a surprise to her, if it was a time to address the situation then that was now.

  "I was about to do some punches," he gestured towards the punching bag next to the windows with his chin. She diverted her gaze away from him just as he turned back.

  "Maybe we could box?" she suggested without thinking it through.  _Another stupid idea_ , she thought,  _I could make up a nice collection_.

  Much to her surprise, Steve didn't hesitate to say yes with the biggest shit-eating grin he could muster. "But," he held up an index finger as a form of warning, "I won't hold back on kicking your ass."

  "Oh, really?" she laughed, even though she knew damn well that he will, indeed, kick her ass, "Well, Captain, I'm counting on you to show me all that you've got."

  They quickly got set up, Valerie helping Steve slide on his second glove and strap it. Then she put on her own, strapping the second one with her teeth and earning a curious look from her opponent. She flashed him a quick, tight lipped smile and took a stance.

  "Ready?" Rogers asked as he positioned himself in the same stance. His shoulders seemed surprisingly relaxed, his gaze making her shiver at how focused it was. This was sure a strange way to sort out tensions. But then again, the two of them had only been watching movies and smiling at each other up until now. It was time to break the ice.

  Val nodded, "Born ready," she muttered as they knocked their gloves together before the fight had officially started. She felt the adrenaline make her heart pump the blood faster. The rush made her awake and her focus sharp. It may have been a dumb idea engaging in this, but she was ready to see it through.

  Steve started with a hook aimed at her head. He failed to hit her though, because she  instantly ducked it backwards. As he dropped his guard, she swung her right hand in a hook as well, making contact with his left cheek. 

  "Damn it," he muttered under his breath and she smiled, making him even more determined. "That won't happen again."

  Just as he said that he went down, bending his knees and dealt a jab at the side of her rib cage. She stumbled backwards a bit, but did her best in containing her balance and returned right back with a jab at his face. While he was trying to block that she made a blow to his stomach, surprising him and making a few additional punches.

  They went back and forth like this for about three minutes, before Valerie got bored. She knew that Steve wasn't actually doing his best so she decided to up the game a bit. Challenging him to aim a punch at her once again, she ducked his fist and swiftly moved behind his back. He didn't have enough time to react, leaving enough time for her to make a strong punch to the area just above his kidneys.

  Steve yelped out in surprise, stumbling forward but somehow retaining his posture and turning to direct a scolding glare. "That's against the rules," he muttered before swinging a few punches at her face. That distracted her as she blocked them, allowing him to do an uppercut.

  Valerie felt her teeth snap together and she felt her heart stop for a moment. She was startled, but only for a second, after what the adrenaline rush came in even stronger. At this point, she was just mindlessly trying to punch Steve as strongly as she could, not even attempting to follow any particular rules.

  She punched him in the stomach, making him stumble backwards. He revived quickly, still alert and focused. He punched her a few times, she knew some of those hits would probably leave bruises. Yet, she kept going because that was something she would have to deal with later.

  The two of them threw their fists at each other, fair play gone out of the window. The fight was getting more and more intense, but there was, luckily, no serious damage done. But as the tension heightened, Valerie dealt a combination of hits to Steve and then proceeded to push him backwards with her foot to his chest once he lost balance. 

  The super soldier stumbled and fell backwards onto the padded floor. He was caught by surprise, but still reacted almost instantly nonetheless. With one quick sweep, he knocked Valerie off her feet and she landed on the floor as well. She almost banged her head against the ground, but managed to spin around and land on her back with a thud.

  Steve tried to get back to his feet, but Valerie punched him, once again, on his cheek. She then put her arm to his throat and straddled his waist to keep him on the ground. "Not so fast," she grumbled as he tried to lift his head, but instead of being careful she just applied more force to his neck, causing his head to hit the ground once again.

  The two of them stared at each other like that for a while, trying to catch their breaths. It wasn't awkward. Maybe they were too tired to feel awkward. And Valerie was certainly too tired to think about the fact that she was sitting on top of America's greatest hero, after they just had the weirdest fight ever. Was it even a fight?

  But none of that mattered then. He was examining her face, but all she could do was stare into his blue eyes. She was captivated by them, completely consumed by how blue they looked from such a close distance. Then her eyes wandered down his face on their own, stopping right at his lips- as equally as entrancing as his eyes.

  And however unconventional all of it seemed, she didn't hold back. She moved her forearm away from his neck and leaned down. A little slow so she had the time to catch the moment when he closed his eyes, knowing what comes next. She closed her eyes as well, allowing herself to be engrossed in the moment.

  At first their lips only brushed together, but she leaned even further in, completely laying on top of him while he wrapped his arms around her waist. Steve was just as much into it as she was. He was tightly holding onto her, pulling her into him as much as he could. Valerie quickly realized that nothing had ever felt better this, even if she'd never done it before. He was different.

  It was hard to pull away, but as much as Valerie initiated it, she had to discontinue it. She pulled back and looked into Steve's eyes once again. He smiled at her instantly, finally pulling off his boxing gloves. She threw hers away too, putting her hands on his cheeks and kissing him again quickly.

  "This was weird," Steve whispered and Valerie chuckled at his conclusion. He wasn't wrong, though.

  "My thoughts exactly," she replied through the smile.

  He huffed, slightly rolling his eyes, but the grin remained on his lips. "You're not freaked out anymore?"

  "Oh, I am," she laughed, "But the anxiety is not kicking in yet, so we're fine for now."

  "I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable," the captain glanced away.

  "I'm the one who's laying on top of you, shouldn't I be the one saying that?"

  Steve shook his head, "This is completely fine with me."

  They stared at each other in silence for a few more minutes. Just comfortable silence. And Valerie was getting more relaxed, even though she was literally laying on top of him. It all seemed like it's normal. Like it could become normal. Why wouldn't she want more of this? More of being close to him?

  "We should probably go now before somebody-"

  But it was too late. The blonde man couldn't even finish the sentence when somebody walked in. 

  Much to their misfortune, it was Clint Barton.

  "What the  _fuck_  is happening here?"


	13. 12 | RAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man oh man. what the hell did i do lol. i haven't been here for a couple of months, but now i have inspiration and i'm gonna try to write a few chapters before i have to go back to school in september. i'm really sorry for not updating, but i just didn't have the strength to write bc.. well shit happens i guess. ANYWAY hope you enjoy this mess of a chapter, i guess it was meant to bring steve and valerie closer but i don't know since i suck at this...

  Over the next two weeks Valerie and Steve were on a probation period. They were slowly forming a bond on a new level. The two of them weren't only watching movies together and stealing glances at each other, they were truly spending time together. It seemed to be working out well enough, considering that their relationship was nothing like any other relationship they were met with before. They weren't only a normal couple, they were also teammates who have fought together in a life or death situation. That brought them closer, but also added a different dimension to whatever they had, because Valerie was still considered to be a part of the Avengers to some extent. And even if she wasn't, she used to work for SHIELD and was friends with everybody else from the Avengers

That didn't change the fact that she was slowly falling in love with Steve. As they spent more time together, she was getting accustomed and became more comfortable with getting closer to him. It was almost possible for her to feel it as she was falling for him. When Valerie was with him she felt like she was floating, and would often catch herself smiling at the man without a particular reason. The way he laughed, the way he tried his best to help her make dinner, the way he kissed her, the way he pulled her close to him when they were alone in her room. All of those things piled on top of each other, leaving her at a loss of words every time he was around.

It was cheesy, but she didn't mind it. Those feelings were better than anything else she had ever felt.

All of that culminated one evening, when Valerie asked Steve to stay over for the night. The two of them were laying on Valerie's king sized bed, the light dimmed and the window beside the bed wide open. They were listening to the faint city sounds and talking about how their day went. She was telling him about how Ali, her co-worker, wouldn't stop asking things about him. The boy was so fascinated by how she knew Captain America that all he does is question her about different things like 'Did Captain America watch Star Wars?' or 'What is his favourite flavour of ice cream?'

Steve laughed at that, saying that he never heard of Star Wars. Valerie wasn't surprised, but then they both agreed that they had to watch the franchise together at one of their movie nights. At least the original trilogy.

Just as Steve was about to launch into the story of how his day went, there was a rumbling sound emerging through the open window. It drowned the sounds of the city, followed by the whistling of wind. Brisk air swooshed over them, making goosebumps rise on Valerie's skin. She could practically smell the rain coming, looking outside as episodes of flashing white light followed one after the other.

When she turned to Steve, though, he didn't appear too pleased about the incoming storm. "Should we close the window?" his voice was hesitant and she could see that he wasn't a fan of storms. He looked at her, his blue eyes sparkling in the semi-lit space. His eyebrows were slightly raised, concern showing in his features.

"Don't worry, it probably won't last that long," she smiled at him, hearing the sounds of rain picking up gradually. Looking out the window, Val saw dimmed New York lights beneath a shallow veil of fog that was settling in over the city. It gave off an impression of seclusion, as if it was only them there, isolated completely from the rest of the world.

"You don't like rain?" she mused, diverting her gaze back to Steve, who was now gazing distantly out through the open window.

He was lost in thought as he onlooked the fog covered city. Valerie didn't feel like speaking either, she was able to just sit there and stare at him. He was breathtaking, even though he didn't do anything. She thought it would never be possible for her to just look at somebody and be completely in love with them, but Steve proved her wrong.

"I used to be often sick as a kid," he kept gazing through the open window, "Storms usually meant that I'd be sick for the next few weeks or even up to a month."

Valerie's breath hitched. Her eyes widened at Steve. They never talked about his past and she figured that she didn't need to pressure him. If he wanted to tell her he would, and that moment seemed to have come when she least expected it.

"Yeah?" she muttered, moving closer to him in attempt to offer comfort, "I can't imagine how different everything was back then," she whispered, the words sounding stupid as she repeated them in her head. Truth be told, she didn't know what to tell him. It truly was a situation she couldn't fix. She carefully searched Steve's face for a reaction to her reply.

He sighed, finally returning his gaze to her, "It was completely different. All of this still feels so unreal. Barely any part of this town is how I remember it, much less feels like home."

Valerie took in his desperate gaze, which made her heart clench at the thought of not being able to make it better. But she had to accept that. "I know," she gave him a small smile, "I may not understand what you're going through, but I'll be here for you through it."

He stared at her in silence, though just as he was about to say something, a lightning hit nearby. The sudden crack made them both jump and made Steve say a line of curses under his breath. 

"Indeed," Valerie laughed, "Maybe we should actually close the window."

"Yeah," Steve agreed.

Valerie stood up and shut the window swiftly, jumping back on the bed and crawling under the covers next to Steve. The warmth immediately made her sleepy, but that didn't last for long because another explosion of thunder startled her. Both of them sat up, frantically looking at each other as the lights went out in Valerie's apartment.

They jumped to their feet, looking down at the New York city lights slowly switching off all around the Avengers tower. "What the hell?" Valerie mumbled in disbelief, slightly panicky, "How is this even possible? Why did we go out of power?" She tried to make out Steve's face when she looked in his direction, but it was too dark to see anything. Without the luminous lights from the outside, it felt like they were stranded in a black void.

"I have no idea," Rogers shrugged, "Isn't Stark supposed to have a back up generator?"

Valerie thought about it for a moment. "Probably, yeah," she exhaled frustratingly, "But even if we wanted to turn it on now it's too dark to find it in the first place. And I doubt Tony would answer us if we called him."

"We don't need light anyway," Steve concluded, probably nodding, "It's getting late."

"Right," the black haired woman sighed and crawled back onto the bed. She felt the bed dip as Steve knelt on it, trying to figure out where she was. A long silence had passed, after what Valerie took Steve's arm and pulled him towards her.

  That apparently wasn't a good idea though, because Steve fell straight on top of her with his whole body weight. She yelped out, struggling to get out from under him. But she soon realized that he was holding her there on purpose. As she stilled, she stirred through the darkness with her hands, blindly searching for whatever might tell her in what position Steve was in relation to her body.

  She could feel his upper arm, his muscles firm under her touch. It appeared he was leaning on his forearms, the two of them placed next to each side of her torso. Now she knew his face was probably right above hers, though she couldn't figure out how far.

  She let her hand slide up his arm, over his shoulder, the nape of his neck, jaw and then rest on his cheek. She felt him leaning into her touch, letting out a comfortable sigh as she swiped her thumb over his cheekbone. But then she moved her hand slightly so that she could brush her fingertips over his lips, and he parted them, breathing in shakily, showing how uncertain he was.

  But she was certain. Certain that this felt fine. She felt good even with his whole body flush against hers. Even with his weight slightly pressing her down into the mattress. Even with her legs wrapped around his waist and his hips resting between her thighs.

 She gulped as she relocated her hand to the back of his neck. He was breathing heavily now, his body making more and more pressure on hers as she pulled him in for a kiss, until he was completely laying on top of her, their lips only slightly apart.

  Surprisingly, he was the one who took the final step and pressed down his lips on hers. It was careful, light. As if he was afraid to kiss her, as if he hadn't done it hundreds of times already. But this was different.

  Valerie felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest, and she could feel Steve's heart beating violently as well. The blood from her body seemed to rush to her cheeks and ears, making her thankful for the dark because Steve couldn't see how flushed she was. It wasn't embarrassment, far from it- she felt like she was on fire.

  Her arms felt like they had gone numb, but still worked on their own as one pulled Steve even more into the kiss while the other one worked its way to his hair. She pulled on his blonde locks, making him hum in response. The small sound send chills down her spine and she could feel herself shiver slightly under him.

  As it became apparent that they'd need to break apart and breathe, Steve did just that. His breath was hot on her face as he breathed heavily, his toned chest heaving up and down. Even though it was dark and she couldn't see a damn thing, Valerie could still imagine the look on his face- his lips parted, his cheeks only slightly blushing and his hair messy but still good-looking. And other things she knew she shouldn't have thought about- but the image of him shirtless with her on top of him was already sparked in her mind.

  "What are you thinking about?" Steve mused as he evened out his breathing. His voice was deep and coarse, which made Valerie imagine other blatantly inappropriate things like him on top of her or-  _even worse-_ his head between her legs.

  "You," she chuckled, trying to sound casual. Apparently she wasn't over pretending that she wasn't completely engulfed in the sexual tension that was so clearly present between the two of them ever since the strange encounter in the gym a few days ago. Even Barton was getting sick of it, but Valerie bullied him into silence as she still didn't want any of their other teammates to know.

   Steve huffed in amusement, Valerie guessed he was smiling. "I'm thinking about you too."

  The way he said it caused Valerie's insides to melt instantly. It was slightly above a whisper, like he was purposefully teasing her, and she liked it. Still- what had caused such bravery in Steve Rogers, the guy she knew was careful when it came to kissing and touching her because he didn't have a clue what he was doing? Perhaps it was the same sexual tension she felt every time she was in close proximity to him.

  "What about me?" she dared to ask further. It was an unconscious action, but maybe it was better if she let her instincts take over and completely go along with the situation. After all, stripping naked and getting at it in absolute darkness with Captain America didn't sound that bad at the moment.

  He was silent for a moment before he spoke again. "About how much I like being next to you. About how lucky I am to be with an understanding woman like you." Before she could say anything to that he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers- now more firmly but still tender.

  Valerie felt the tension in her body fade away as she smiled into the kiss, hugging his torso with both her arms. He smelled so good and his lips were so soft. And he was so, so, so handsome and good to her. Her heart skipped a beat out of pure happiness. She could kiss him all day. But sadly- their moment of isolation had to end when there was a knock from the door to Valerie's apartment. 

  Steve pulled away from the kiss as the door handle twisted and the door was opened. Somebody came in, carrying a flashlight in their hand. "Valerie?"

  Valerie sighed and practically pushed Steve off of her. The happiness she felt was instantly flushed from her system, replaced with sheer frustration. How come they are always interrupted in this type of situations, she thought to herself as she stood up and looked over the railing on the edge of the upper level. The flashlight now illuminated the space around them and her gaze found a fairly short, grey haired man standing in the doorway.

  "What's wrong, Bruce?" she tried not to sound irritated, but she was. She was really, really irritated. 

  "Uh.." Bruce was confused as to why there was a harsh tone in her voice, "I just wanted to check on you... Thought you wanted some company?"

  Valerie was about to speak something, but Steve suddenly appeared next to her, his hand firmly resting on the small of her back. "We're all good, Banner." The smirk on his face reflected in his voice and Valerie felt her face turn crimson.

  "Y-yeah, thanks Bruce. We were going to sleep anyway. It's late," Valerie blurted out as she felt Steve's hand slide even lower and she begged the universe not to make him brave enough to move it  _even_  lower.

  "Oh," the physicist was speechless, but somehow managed to nod rapidly, clearing his throat and apologizing for the interruption. After that he quickly said goodnight and shuffled out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

  Now it was pitch black again as light was carried away with Bruce. She couldn't see Steve, but she liked to think that she was frowning in his direction when she said, "You should've just stayed on the bed."

  "Why?" came Captain America's voice from somewhere in the darkness, "He would've known I was here anyway."

  "Because I still didn't tell him what happened in the gym, can you not connect the dots on your own?" she puffed as she took a step to her left, trying to navigate her way to the bed. And it was right there... Somewhere.

  "I thought you would've told him by now, I'm sorry," the man next to her reached out and his hands were on her hips in a second, holding her in place. 

 Just as she started speaking, the power suddenly came back and the light turned on, revealing that they were still two steps away from the bed. "Well..." she sighed, "Let's just sleep, alright? I'm tired." She avoided looking at him, hoping he wouldn't see the obvious disappointment on her face.

  Captain America smiled and nodded at her, "I'll turn off the lights." He went to the top of the staircase and switched the light off as she went to lay on the bed.

  The lights in the buildings around the Avengers tower were also turning back on and with that the city was, once again, fully lit up, its luminosity  reflecting on the grey clouds hovering above it. The mist had not yet disappeared fully, making New York seem ominous as its streets were completely abandoned by its inhabitants, either because it was too late or because it was pouring buckets two minutes ago. 

  Valerie waited for Steve to return to the bed but he was standing at the foot of the bed and gazing outside at the blinding luminescence of the city. She stared at him, expecting he'd turn to look at her eventually. He didn't however. Instead he made his way towards the window, twisted the handle and cracked it open.

  It was still raining outside, ever so lightly. The wet air seeped inside through the barely open window, spreading the smell of the storm that had passed. Valerie felt goosebumps rise on her skin, not because of the cold, but because Steve was now laying next to her, tracing his fingertips over her bare legs before his arm finally came to rest wrapped around her waist.

  "I love rain," she murmured distantly as he made sure they were both tucked under the blankets. Then he hugged her from behind and kissed the spot right behind her ear, the gooseflesh intensifying on her neck.

  "And I love you," the blonde man said through a breathy whisper, as if he was relieved he finally said it. Valerie could feel his heartbeat accelerating, but he was completely silent, waiting for her reaction, hoping she'd react pleasantly.

  And she did. A wide smile spread across her freckled face, her cheeks almost hurting. "I love you, too," she returned it without much doubt. What was there to doubt? It had been in the back of her head, those three words, for a while now. Though, she was tip-toeing around it.

  But she felt relieved too, because she truly thought she was in love.  _This_  was love. Not anything else she'd encountered before. Not anything else that her parents tried to offer her. Not anything from her past relationships. 

  Not anything that Tony could give her.

  She felt as if fireworks were erupting in her chest when Steve hugged her even tighter pulling her into his chest, squeezing her as if she was his personal teddy bear. He kissed the back of her neck a couple of times and it seemed as if he was smiling when he did so.

  "Okay, Steve," she chuckled, "You're squeezing my soul out of me, I can't breathe."

  "Sorry," he loosened his grip on her, but nuzzled his nose in the back of her neck.

  "It's fine," her cheeks were now strained as she kept on smiling, "Goodnight."

  "Goodnight."

  She sensed he fell asleep soon afterwards. But she was too excited to do so. I love you. Was it too soon to say that? Perhaps she'd regret it in the future, but overthinking it now would be even worse. That's how much she learned before she returned to New York. Nothing was for certain, but she could hope that there won't be a day when she'd feel remorse when thinking back on this moment.

  Taking a deep breath, Valerie closed her eyes and relaxed, drifting off to sleep not much later.


End file.
